January 2008 Archives

I thought I would take the day off
from pontificating and prognostication
and tell you all a good story I heard
this morning at breakfast.

"A Martian makes an emergency
landing in Brooklyn and finds that a
key part of his saucer has been damaged
...the all important troover. He goes into
a deli and asks the counter man if he
knows where he can find a troover. The
man asks, "What's it look like?"

The Martian says, "It's round, kind of
hard on the outside, soft on the inside,
with a small hole in the middle."

The deli man says, "That sounds like
a bagel. Here, does this look like what
you need?"

The Martian says, "It's perfect! What do
you use those for here?"

The deli man says, "You'll probably find
this hard to believe, but we eat them."

The Martian says, "You're kidding! You
eat troovers?"

The deli guy says, "Yeah, here, try one."

The Martian is pretty skeptical, but he
takes a bite. "Hey," he says, "with a
little cream cheese, this wouldn't be
half bad."

Thought you would enjoy that.

I'll be seeing the land of the penguins
very soon.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. I've been burning up the phone lines
with my clients, and this much is very
clear. Those spending money on advertising
are doing well, those who have pulled back
are not.

206 407 3124

You may have never heard of her unless
you are a devotee of the Food Network, but
British celebrity chef Nigella Lawson is a
fairly wealthy woman. Tabloids put her own
fortune at $30 million, and if you add her
husbands dough to the mix it goes to over
$100 million, which is a good chunk of
change by anyone's standards.

Nigella Lawson was born into wealth. She
is the daughter of an English aristocrat, but
she made her fortune on her own, without
any help from her wealthy parents.

She could have just played around and waited
for the money her parents have to be handed
down to her, but she elected not to be one of
the all too boring British social set.

She made the news this week because she
said in an interview that she had recently
changed her will, and that she is not leaving
any money to her children. She wants her
children to build their own empire, just as she
did, without any help from Mumsie.

Personally, I think this is a very good idea.

I have seen what has happened to kids who
have never had to work a day in their lives and
it ain't pretty. Many of them are dead.

I have a friend who grew up among the wealthiest
families in America, and most of the kids he
grew up with aren't with us any longer. He is the
only one of his group of friends who graduated
from college, and has a job.

I don't know how much money he has, but it's a
real decent amount. He doesn't have to work at all,
but he goes every day, and he has done that for a
couple of decades.

He recommends not passing large sums of money
to your children, and says that if you do do that,
there should be strings attached. The strings should
require that a number of things be accomplished
before you can receive the mundo.

I think he's right.

A number of years ago I heard Bill Cosby in concert.
One of his routines revolved around his kids waiting
around to get some of his money. He said if they
did that they would be very disappointed, because he
was going to make a supreme effort to spend it all
before he was called to the pearly gates.

I'm going to spend what I make too. It would just burn
anyway where I'm going.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. Just joking there, I think I still have a shot
at a comfortable cloud. I could use a little heat
right now as we cruise toward Antarctica. It's
a good thing I brought my fur coat and hat.

You can still reach the King at 206 407 3124.
The Joan Randall Agency never sleeps.

Well...there it was.

In the "Health" section of one of the big
national newspapers was an article that
says fat fockers are getting short shrift
at the doctors office.

There was even a picture of a fat focker
above the fold in full color and they took
great pains to only show the face. Maybe
they couldn't get any more flesh in the
picture, and they did their level best to hide
the womans double, or maybe even triple
chin.

(I think they airbrushed some zits off her
face too.)

She is the local Vice President... of the...
(get this), National Association to Advance
Fat Acceptance.

I was so impressed with her argument I
just had a bumper sticker made up that
says: LOVE YOUR LOCAL FAT FOCKER!

The article prattles on about how these
buffet molesters are mistreated by the
current medical establishment, who blame
all their ills on the fact that they are a touch
smaller than a hippopottamus.

Okay, I get it, they don't think there is anything
wrong with being fat, and fat is not responsible
for their medical problems.

I can't vouch for doctors, but I have a little
personal experience with Lardassians working
for me.

The first was a woman who was at least a
hunnert pounds overweight, maybe more.
She had foot problems, leg problems, back
problems; in otherwords she had more problems
than you could shake a stick at. She had at
least five surgeries that I knew of, and many
other procedures as well. After a morning
colonoscopy she treated us all to an impromptu
afternoon symphony. When she wasn't laid up
with one of her problems she did good work, in
fact, it was better than good. But she was only
productive seven or eight days a month.

The second was also a woman who was, as
they say, "bout as wide as she was tall." She
brought a picnic for six with her every day to work,
and always left some thousand calorie snack on
my desk. (Some of which were DYN O MITE!)
She had heart and kidney problems, and also
missed a lot of work. Her kidney problem got
extremely bad, and she had to take more than
a year off.

The third experience was with a salesman, who
we called "Biggie." He was a helluva salesman,
and as he liked to joke, "If you ain't got any
spaghetti sauce on your shirt, you ain't working."
Biggie dropped dead in the middle of lunch one day.

So I'm not big on "Fat Acceptance."

Fat fockers cost the medical system billions of
buckaluckas each and every year. They net to
get up off their couch potato tush and do some
exercise. The need to trash all the potato chips
and soda, and eat real food. They need to stop
clogging the doctors office and their own arteries.

A few years ago I was forty five pounds overweight.

My doctor to get off my fat S and get moving. I did
what he told me, and I lost the weight. I have never
put it back on.

You can do anything you really want to do in this
life if you get your mind straight. Fat fockers just
need to fix their minds first. Their bodies will follow.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. If you want a fair shake, get one of those new
vibrating machines. Word has it they really work to
help drop the lard. Or go on a half S diet. Just eat
half of what you normally do. It works.

You may not agree, but you always know where to
find the Cowboy. 206 407 3124

The Whelanator is on his way to Antarctica!

I'm heading down there to head an expiditionary
force to find out just exactly what the skinny is
on global warming.I'm going to be drilling the
polar ice cap as deep as three miles to find
out if there really are rivers of water running
under the cap.

And if you believe that, you believe that WJC
never had sex with THAT WOMAN.

I am going to Antarctica, but the real reason
that I am going is to do research on penguins.
I got a grant from the federal government to
study the lives of gay penguins in extremely
cold climates.

There has never been a lot of work done on
gay animals, even though the study a few
years back on gay seagulls in the San
Fransisco Bay area got a lot of media coverage.

Don't believe that either?

Well, I can't say as I blame you, although that
grant for gay seagull research is an absolute
fact.That was sponsored by Iowa's Senator Tom
Terrific Harkin.

And if we had a study on gay penguins, which
we don't, maybe we could find out whether or not
they have a toe tapping code. And while we're at
it here, what are the rules on gay seagulls behavior
in public restrooms.

I am on my way to Antarctica. It's a cruise, and in
addition to whales, dolphins, and ice, I'm supposed
to be able to take pictures of thousands of penguins.

What is going to make this unique is that in
addition to taking pictures of penguins, I am going
to get a picture of me wearing my penguin suit, or
tuxedo, with the penguins.That's all the reason I
need to make this trip.

If you check my website:

http://www.thejoanrandallagency.com

you'll see a picture of me riding a camel in a
tuxedo.

I believe this is a first.

That picture is right under a picture of me and
The Trumpster, (Donald J) shaking hands in our
penguin suits at a large charity event.

And remember, my penguin suits, (tuxedos), are all
made by Sylvia Danese at Danese Creations.

http://www.danesecreations.com

That's a shameless plug, but it's my blog.

And Sylvia does great work. The Whelanator
wears only the very best.

Oh...there are a few other stops on this bon
voyage. Rio, Buenos Aires, and the like. I may
just have an adventure or two there too.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. While I'm in Arrrgh gentina I just may try
that bolo thing with the South American cowboys.
At the very least I'll be eating some good grass
fed beef.

Call the Agency that never sleeps. 206 407 3124

When you're a salesman it seems like
you're always talking. You are pushing,
prodding, cajoling, storytelling, and closing.

If you aren't any good at these things, you
probably need to investigate another career
field.

The problem with all this talking is that
sometimes its hard to know when to shut
your mouth. The client agrees to make a
purchase, and you just keep on talking,
trying to make another sale on top of the
one he's just agreed to.

This ain't smart, and some clients view it
as a sign of disrespect. It can severely
hamper future sales without you even being
aware of it.

(Because you're still talking.)

Here's an easy rule.

When the client agrees to make a
purchase, it's time to shut up.Get all the
paperwork completed in silence.

Then when all the eyes are dotted and
the tees are crossed, congratulate the client
for making the deal, and get lost quick.

Do not bring anything else up, and make
any other appeals, for now, or in the future.

Let the sun set a few times before you call
on that client again.

Your clients will appreciate it, and you, a
more. This will lead to higher sales.

The other way is called badgering, and it
makes clients mad. This inevitably leads
to a loss of sales.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. One client I picked up last year called
to tell me he just finished calculating his
numbers, and he had a sales increase of
over 100%, and that almost all of it could be
attributed to the advertising he has done with
The Joan Randall Agency. So who are you
going to call? 206 407 3124

I have been a pretty fair salesperson all my
adult life, and maybe even before. I was
pretty successful before I ever knew anything
about selling, and more successful after I
had learned a thing or two.

Even today I am still trying to improve, and
I'm in the top one per cent of all salespeople.

I strongly believe in the old adage that if you
aren't moving forward you are losing ground.

All along the road to my success I have had
my detractors, those who criticized what I
did and how I did it. Almost one hundred percent
of the time the people who were criticizing me
the most were not selling nearly as much as I
was, and in terms of profitablility they weren't
even close.

I have even had a boss or two who didn't like
the way I operated, even when they would have
received no bonus without my effort. Before I
founded The Joan Randall Agency, my reward
for having the top sales in the organization was
to have my territory cut, and my base lowered.

That was the straw that broke the camels back,
so to speak. The folks who replaced me, (it took
three), have never equaled my sales, and have
come nowhere near my level of profitability.

Finally free to do what I wanted I have built a
multi-million dollar company in a few short years.
I do all the things i was criticized for, and a few
more that I'm sure would irritate others.

But the bottom line is this. My sales are appreciating
by percentages that would dumbfound all the critics
I have heard from over the years.

The more clients respond to what my critics called
stupid, the higher my sales go. In fact, I try and
do everyday what my critics know won't work.

When you get criticized for being successful, keep
on doing what you are doing, because what the critics
have really told you is that you are on the right track.

In fact, you may be just steps from discovering gold.

But if you listen to anything they have to say, you
won't find it.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. Anybody see the picture of former President
Billy Jay sleeping on the dais at the Martin Luther
King Day celebration? He was snoozing like a dog
whose eaten too much chow. Had I been there I
would have woken him up, maybe with a boat horn,
or some Guns and Roses at about 130 decibels.

I've just about finished my master plan for the
Florida primaries, and it's a good one. Stayed
glued to the tube when I give the word. Meanwhile,
call the Whelanator, the hardest working stiff in
the ad business. 206 407 3124

I was just readin the latest ish yoo of
NEWSMAX, which I have taken to callin
NEWSHAX, on account of the special
love I have for the publisher, one
(Christophe)r Ruddy, who once upon
a time used to be a journalist. From
now on I will only use his hip hop name,
C Rudd.

Dat has a good ring to it, don't you
think?

I think it fits a guy who sits in
his office all day long drinking diet soda,
belching, and munching tater chips and
pretzels by the bagfull.

Well, that's what happens when you stop
being a journalist, and start being a gadfly
and socialite.

And if you're going to be a socialite, at
least fork over some dough to get a nice
tuxedo. (I'll sell you one of mine if you are
having trouble finding one.)

But you're probably be afraid that some of
my mojo is transferable, and would seep
into your beingness.

Right now the magazine could use a little
of the Whelanator mojo, a little of the
Whelanator magic, to help grow the sales
of that tabloid. This cowboy rang the sales
bell long and hard last year, and had a record
setting year.

He could do the same thing for you, but you
ain't really a cowboy, unless GI Joe is a real
man.

I guess you'll just keep on keeping on, writing
those goofy articles, going soft on the Clintons,
and watching the advertising dollars go down
the drain.

Pretty soon there won't be any more money
for tater chips and soda, and you'll have to cut
the staff pay again.

C Rudd we hardly knew you.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. (The views expressed here are not necessarily
those of the author, although he may agree with them
or not, depending on your point of view.)

Start looking for me soon as the Florida primary
draws near. I'll be doing my best to get on camera
for a few of my clients, and I shall succeed. I got
national press coverage when I appeared at a Kerry
campaign event, and hope to do the same this time
around.

Meanwhile, call the best agency in the business,
206 407 3124.

A good friend of mine sells restaurant and
hotel equipment. He has been doing this for
over twenty years, and is very successful.

He has a rule that he has followed for many,
many years, and it's this: He doesn't sell low
quality merchandise, or what most of us would
call JUNK.

If a customer wants to purchase a low quality
piece of equipment, he either refuses to order
it, or says that his company will not do business
with that particular vendor. He says this strategy
has saved him hundreds of headaches, and hours
upon hours of time.

To illustrate his point he told me this story. He
got a call from one of his customers who wanted
to purchase what is called a six burner range, a
very common piece of kitchen equipment. He
offered the customer two choices, both heavy
duty models from very reputable companies. The
owner of the restaurant then pulled a brochure from
a company that made what would be called
"industrial light" equipment, maybe one step above
what would be used in a home.

My friend said he would not sell him this equipment.

The owner got very angry and told him to get out, and
he complied.

Three weeks later he got a call from the same owner,
who wanted to order replacement parts for this piece of
equipment. Again, he refused to place an order. And of
course, the owner was furious.

A week later he dropped in on the restaurant, and the
chef had turned the range into a storage table. He said
the range was the worst piece of equipment he had ever
seen, and it started falling apart the second day he used
it. My friend just nodded his head.

As he was going out the door he heard the owners voice.
He turned, and the owner approached him. "How much for
your model?" he said. My friend told him, and he pulled a
check out of his pocket, filled it out, and handed it to him.

That six burner range has been in use seven days a week
for three years, and hasn't had any repairs.

The owner doesn't question his judgement either.

It's okay to lose a sale once in a while to prove a point.

Customers respect salespeople who stand their ground,
even if the respect isn't immediate.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. Take your message to thousands of highly
qualified buyers when you call The Joan Randall
Agency. 206 407 3124

Maybe I should have titled this, "Ain't
No Such Thing As A Free Lunch." The
reality is that in business, nothing is ever
free.

I really shouldn't say never, maybe
"rarely" would be more appropriate. I have
been given some very good advice over
the years at no charge. Trouble was, I
never knew how good the advice was when
it was given. Sometimes it has taken me
years to implement what somebody told
me to do.

So the advice cost me money because I
wasn't smart enough to know how to use it.

Here is a simple piece of advice that took
me years to implement. A wise old sales
manager told me never to give anything away
without planning to get something in return
from a customer.

For years I gave things away.

Samples, literature, demonstrations, discounts,
and favors.

I never asked for anything in return.

It was a big mistake, and the wise old sales
manager was right to point it out to me. But
even after he did so, I continued my old approach.

Then one day I woke up.

I starting demanding things in return.

When I gave a sample, I got agreements to test
the product with decision makers.

If I gave a discount, I demanded bigger orders.

If I did you a favor, you had to do me one.

Lo and behold, in six months my sales doubled.

In one year they tripled.

I can't even calculate how much money I lost
by not following the wise old sales managers
advice sooner.

I never had to worry about what my competitors
were doing. What I should have been worried about
was what I was doing.

Never give anything without getting something in
return.

That's sagacious advice that should be heeded.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. Put your business on the yellow brick road
to success by calling The Joan Randall Agency
today. 206 407 3124

I was taking a little break this morning when
I came across an item in small print on page
15 in the newspaper I was reading. It was just
one paragraph stating that former Durham,
N.C. prosecutor Mike Nifong filed for bankruptcy.

He's the guy who ran the...and I hesitate to use
the word, investigation; of the Duke lacrosse
players a while back. He ruined the lives of three
young men for certain, and damaged countless
others, all in pursuit of re-election to his office.

He was bankrupt long before the recent filing.

He wasn't alone. Over 80 Duke professors took
out a full page ad in the newspaper convicting
the young men without any kind of trial or hearing.

Almost every media outlet followed the herd,
including the sacrosanct NY Times, which ran
what would now be called laughable stories, that
included heavy speculation, and no evidence
whatsoever.

The three young men's lawyers waged an incredible
battle that they improbably won. One of those
attorneys paid with his life, so Mike can add that to
his sins too.

The case fell apart piece by piece, and the Chief
Justice of the North Carolina Supreme Court exonerated
the young men, and removed Mike from his position.

All those voting for conviction without trial suddenly
vanished, and the story disappeared.

No one has heard a peep from the eighty professors
who were so quick to rush to judgement. We will
probably never hear from them again, unless someone
proposes ending tenure.

The lesson here is that it is never good to rush to
judgement. Even when it looks like it's a slam dunk.

A little patience is required.

Many years ago I had to deal with a sexual harrassment
case. A woman came in and tearfully told me a story
about what one of my employees had done.

The employee was a good worker but barely spoke
English. He denied the allegation. I fired him.

The next day the woman came in and tearfully told
me a completey different story, accusing someone
else. Her rational was that the individual she accused
first was only a Mexican, but her accusation had left
her unable to sleep, and now she wanted to come clean.

After interviewing the second person accused, it
became clear that the woman was delusional, and I
couldn't believe anything she told me.

I rehired the Mexican, and fired her.

Never again did I make a quick decision on who was
right and who was wrong.

After that, getting the story straight was always my
first priority. And believe me, that has paid huge
dividends over the years.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. Word comes today that there is a plan to
salvage the Academy Awards, even if the Writers
Strike continues. This is good news for me, as I
have some big plans for this years ceremony.

What about your plans? What are you going to
do to take your business to the top? Call me
for a consultation now. 206 407 3124

I've been around the game of basketball
for quite some time. I've seen some pretty
good players over the years, and some good
coaches. I was fortunate enough to be part
of a good group of coaches that taught their
players not only the game of basketball, but
a thing or two about real life.

One principle that always guided our group
was that the game was about the kids. It
wasn't about us, the parents, the opposition,
the referees, or anybody else. We wanted
the kids to learn the game, play as hard as
they possibly could, and have a lot of fun.

I spent the spring and summer traveling up
and down the east coast every weekend for
eight years, and wouldn't trade that time for
anything.Many of our players made their high
school teams in a very competitive area. Some
are now playing in college, and doing very well.

One of the girls I coached called me at Christmas
time, and told me she wanted to leave her high
school program because she couldn't take the
negative attitude of her coach anymore. She had
been a starter for 3 and a half years. During that
time she couldn't recall a positive word coming
out of his mouth.

I listened for a long time, and then she repeated
something to me that I had told her team a few
years earlier. I had said that if there was a cancer
in your life, you had to remove it, or cut it out. She
said, "My coach is a cancer."

I told her it was okay to leave the program.

The coach went ballistic. He blamed the failure of
the team on her. He called college coaches and told
them the young woman was a traitor, and she had
let the team down. He made up stories about things
the young woman had supposedly done.

He did everything he could to destroy a child.

A funny thing happened this fall. The young woman
was shooting baskets in the gym at college. She
attracted the attention of a woman who asked her a
lot of questions.

The young woman told her her story.

The next day the woman revealed herself as the
basketball coach, and asked her to join the team.

She joined, and became a starter in 10 days.

The new coach called the old coach, who trashed
the young woman. When the new coach put down
the phone, she said, "He just doesn't get it. The game
isn't about him."

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. The same rules apply here. My business is
about you, not me. Wouldn't you like to do business
with somebody who gets it? 206 407 3124

A few months ago I saw Archie Manning
speak at a seminar in Florida. He isn't what
you would call long winded, and his whole
speech may have lasted forty five minutes.
He did manage to be entertaining while he
was talking, and you got the feeling he was
a good guy, but you also got the feeling he
wasn't going to go very deep. And he didn't.

He managed to tell several stories about his
sons, Peyton and Eli, without really giving a
clue about either.

If you're a football fan you have been watching
Peyton for about ten years, and you know he
is a top notch quarterback for the Indianapolis
Colts. He won a Super Bowl last year, and is
all over television and print in ads too numerous
to count.

Eli has been the quarterback of the New York
Giants for four years, and has been hearing it
from the New York media since the day he
arrived, after spurning the San Diego Chargers.

During Eli's time in New York, the Giants have
been bad to mediocre, and just started getting
it together in the second half of the current season.

During all the time Peyton played he was criticized
for not winning "the big one." He put all that behind
him last year.

Eli has been criticized non stop in New York. One
look at his face told you how it affected him, and
it wasn't in a good way.Such is the life of a
professional athlete in New York.

But yesterday a funny thing happened. Peyton got
beat, and Eli won. The guy who couldn't do anything
right, at least according to the media, has played
some pretty fine football over the last month, and
his team is going to the championship game.

In a post game interview there was almost a smile
on Eli's face. He looked straight into the camera, and
his head was held high. He almost looked as if he
had it all planned that way.

And I think he did.

I think that a few weeks back Eli decided that he
was going to prove everybody was wrong about him.

He decided that he was going to lead his team to
victory, and that was that. His touchdown drive just
before the end of the first half was as good as it gets.
I think it unnerved the Cowboys, and was the start
of their demise.

So now Eli has a chance to get to the top of the
mountain next Sunday in Green Bay, against one
of the greatest legends of the game, Bret Favre.

He should remember the advice Boston Celtic legend
Kevin McHale gave Isiah Thomas many years ago.
"Don't just go there being happy that you made it. Go
there to win!"

That is why you play the game, and I don't think
anybody has to tell that to a Manning.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. I had a great time in NYC last weekend, but
I missed my cousin, The Naked Cowboy. Start
looking for me on television in the week before the
Florida primary, holding one of my special signs.
In the meantime, give me a call at 206 407 3124.
which is on February 5th. I have signs made, and

I have a young woman who works for me
and she is a pretty fair salesperson for her
age. She isn't what I would call a sales
"natural." By that I mean that there are some
people who are just born with the gift of gab,
and they have sharp intuitive skills, which
naturally make them top notch salespeople.

That doesn't mean that all "naturals" are the
best salespeople. Many "naturals" are a shade
on the lazy side, and have to be pushed.

Other folks who aren't "naturals" often end up
at the top of the food chain. They have other
traits like discipline and determination that
help them get there.

My employee has both of those traits.

But she also has a trait that is holding her back.

Right now she is in the the top 20% of salespeople.

She could easily be in the top 5%.

But she is highly self critical. She analyzes and
critiques herself relentlessly.

Now it's okay to analyze and critique your
performance. I do it myself.

But I don't dwell on mistakes, errors, or bad
judgements. You can't go back and fix them.

And in our business, the sales business, you
get another chance all the time.

And you are still going to make mistakes all
the time, as I told this employee earlier in the
week. I'm a veteran of 20 years plus in this
business, and I still make mistakes all the time.

I like to focus on one thing at a time. If there is
a mistake I keep repeating, I try and fix that one
thing. There was a mistake I was making in sales
calls in 2007 that took me over four months to fix.

But I was never so preoccupied with that mistake
that I stopped selling. A friend of mine suggested
that I not use one particular word when I was
presenting. At first I thought he was nutso, and then
I tried what he said. He was dead on the money, and
it made it much easier to sell.

I now owe him a steak dinner.

There are enough critics in the world, so you don't
need to be one yourself. Do the best you can and
move on. Only try and fix one problem at a time.

I know you hear that word...multitask...all the time.

Forget it. I'll take the turtle over the hare any day of
the week.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. The Whelan Air Express is just about due to
land in NYC. It looks like it's going to be a beautiful
weekend in January where it usually isn't. That's
good because I have a new pair of boots to break in.
You know where to find me if you need me.

206 407 3124

I've never been much of a Bible quoter, but
a passage in Proverbs came to my attention
yesterday, and it was this: "A man hath joy
by the answer of his mouth; and a word
spoken in due season, how good it is."

I'm not sure of the chapter and verse, but
I certainly understand the drift.

Saying the right words at the right time
can get you that old Jackie Gleason/Ralph
Kramden "How sweet it is!" feeling.

A good friend of mine often refers to what
he calls "Pop Off Mess Up Man."

What he is talking about is people who
engage their mouth before engaging their
brain. In the business arena you are always
running into POMUM. Many of them have
been our boss, or a fellow employee. They
have ready answers before you even get the
thought out of your mouth. Or they have an
opinion before the know half the facts necessary
to make a decision.

I have worked for a couple of folks who, if you
believed them, were smarter and more wise than
Solomon. Their operations were usually a disaster,
with extremely high turnover. One day when I asked
one of them why seven out of every ten hires left within
one calendar year, I was told many things, and none
of the answers was even close to the truth.

The employees left because they didn't want to
work for a guy who belittled their every effort, and
never once gave them any praise, or credit.

This executive was fired a few months later, and
replaced by man who didn't know everything. He
routinely praised performance, and rewarded folks
for a job well done. I don't think I ever heard him
raise his voice.

Employee turnover dropped from 70% to less than
10% in a year. Company sales rose double digits
every year for the next five years. People actually
enjoyed coming to work.

That is the power of wise words.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. I'm riding my horse to NYC this weekend.
So if you're walking down the street in Manhattan,
and see a tall lanky cowboy in a tuxedo, be sure
and say hello. I may stop for a picture with my long
lost cousin, The Naked Cowboy. I may even buy
him some clothes. But wherever I roam I can always
be reached at 206 407 3124.

There's an ad running on the telly that
caught my attention from the creative
point of view. It pokes gentle fun at Major
League Baseball by telling the story of a
young employee who just vaulted over
everyone else, and everybody else is
whispering that the newly minted executive
is using "productivity enhancers."

The linking of MLB's steroid problem to
corporate ladder climbing is very clever, and
I applaud whoever cooked up the idea. It's a
good one. But when you get really clever in
advertising, there is a downside.

You see, I can't remember the company who
is running the ad.

In advertising, this isn't good.

If your customers have trouble remembering
what you're selling you need to remember the
the words of Yosemite Sam, "You in a heap a
trouble now, Boy!"

Advertising is a great medium, but you have to
keep in mind that if it doesn't bring you added
revenue, it just ain't worth what you paid for it.

And don't fall for any of that brand awareness-
name recognition crapola. If it doesn't bring in
any money, it ain't worth spit.

It doesn't matter if 100 per cent of the people
recognize your brand if they don't buy it.

Thems the rules.

Advertising dollars must bring in additional
revenue. Nothing else matters in the long run.

Unless you want to be the Vincent Van Gogh
of the business world.

Four hundred years after he died Van Gogh is
recognized as a genius. He sold one painting
at a discount while he was alive.

Most people, and most businesses, would like
a little recognition while they are here.

If you aren't getting it, you need to change the
message.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. Here at the Rancho Randall, we specialize
in getting out a message that will bring in buckets
of buckaluckas. We may not be the most clever
folks to put an idea on paper, but I'll take old
fashioned profits over awards for creativity any day.
206 407 3124.

I was a sittin in a restaurant a morning
or two back when I heard a woman tell the
waitress that the customer is always right.

My ears kind of perked up, and I honed in
on this conversation. I have a good number
of friends in the restaurant biz, and they hear
this phrase a lot, probably more than anyone,
because some dumbass ad executive ran a
campaign around this theme, and the public
ran with it.

The slogan trickled out of the restaurant industry,
and now almost everybody has used the phrase
at one time or another.

Here's the deal.

The customer ain't always right.

Sometimes they ain't even close to being right.

Sometimes they ain't even close to being right
and they're abusive to boot.

What do you do when you get treated this way?

Firstly, you ascertain who is right and who is wrong.
This doesn't have to be spoken.

If it's a minor thing, you can be gracious and accept
blame even though you are right.

That handles about half the protesters.

Second, you can calmly state your companies policy,
and that you will not accept blame for what you were
asked to do.

That handles about half the remainders, so you're left
with about one quarter of the complainers.

This is where it gets tricky, but most of these folks
are bullies. They threaten, they try to intimidate, they
have temper tantrums, and will even subject you to
personal abuse.

My buddy Fran, in the restaurant business over 30 years,
has drawn a line in the sand, and his staff knows exactly
what the rules are in this situation.

I witnessed it in action on a Saturday night a few years
ago. A table of eight had rejected three $400 bottles of
wine. Then they complained about the service. Then a
woman at the table insulted Fran.

Fran whistled, and employees converged on the table.
Every last item was removed from the table in seconds.
The people at the table were shocked. One of them said,
"What are we supposed to do now?"

To which Fran replied, "Get out!"

Silently they slinked out. When they had left the people
in the dining room gave Fran a standing ovation.

I talked to Fran the other day and asked him how many
times he had done that. "About 50," he said. "It happens
once or twice a year. My customers bring people here
just to introduce them to the guy who through out so and
so. It's been a good thing for me in terms of business.
My dad always told me, let people know where you stand,
it makes them comfortable."

So take it from Fran, don't be afraid to take a stand when
you're right, and apologize if you're wrong.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

I was talking to some friends of mine about
their outlook for the new year. They were all
gloomy in their prognostications.

The talked about the real estate bubble, and
tighter credit, and increasing prices, and so
on and such forth.

Like there isn't something like this going on
all the time.

What do I care about the real estate bubble?

What do I care about tightening credit?

What do I care about all the gloom and doom
forecasting?

Not a damn bit.

What these guys are really talking about is that
they have gotten lazy. They have gotten used to
a certain lifestyle, and don't realize that to stay
on top you have to adapt and improvise.

That's right, just like the Marines.

Every year you should be prepared to replace
at least 20% of your current business with new
business, and if you don't, you'll certainly fall
behind quickly. Now you won't lose 20% every
year, some years you may not lose any. But
one year I lost 45% of my business in the snap
of two fingers.

That taught me a lesson I have never forgotten.

Stay hungry.

Not a month ever goes by here that we don't add
new accounts. New accounts are the lifeblood of
your business, and if you aren't adding all the time
losses can cripple you.

A while back I lost a big account. It happens. People
change, circumstances change, and sometimes it's
just unavoidable. But when I made the final tallies for
the year, the Agency was still up in billings for the year.

It was because of new accounts. The billings for the
new accounts were more than the large account lost.
If I had not been so focused on acquiring new business,
I guess I would have joined in the chorus of my
complaining friends.

"It's the economy, stupid."

No.

It's not.

It's where you focus.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. If you haven't called The Joan Randall Agency,
you're not focused like you should be for 2008. If
you want to get to the top of the heap you need
the best agency in the business. 206 407 3124