February 2008 Archives

I was just having a little coffee this morning,
and yesterdays paper, the Sunday, was
stacked up on the corner of the table. I had
read the sports page, which was none too
interesting, and the book review, which fell
in the same category.

The politics which dominates the front page
bores me to tears, and the metro section is
full of murder and mayhem. I already have a
new car, and I'm not moving anywhere soon.

The comics just aren't the same as when I grew
up, and I can't seem to get interested. And
truth be told, there are more ads than copy.

But I don't need a new TV or frig, or God knows
any more furniture. I never go to the drugstore,
and I don't use coupons. I never shop for food
either, except at restaurants, and I know where
the ones I want to eat at are.

So maybe I should just get the sports page, and
the book review, and they can keep the rest.

It ought to be an option anyway. You should be
able to check what sections you want, or don't
want. I'll bet this system would save a tremendous
amount of trees, since most, (nearly all), of the
Sunday paper goes in the trash before Monday
morning, and the rest lines bird cages.

So I'll summarize the sports page and book review.

Somebody won the Daytona 500.

If you're in the bookstore, pick up "Tree of Smoke."

Actually thats my own book review, and a lot easier
to read than the NY Times.

So there you have it. All the news that's fit to print.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. If you want to advertise your biz, you're really
taking a chance with the Sunday paper. Find out what
really works by giving us a call at 206 407 3124.

What I mean here is that sometimes you
have to throw out the old rule book on how
things are done. In the sales business there
is a lot of protocol, and if you follow the rules
to closely you'll lose out on some big business.

Why would I say that?

If you have ever been in any sales organization
you know that the guy at the top is usually a
maverick, and a rule breaker. They do things
just a shade different than anybody else, and if
they are out of line their sins are usually forgiven.

That's because of a simple rule in sales.

The top dog rules.

This rule isn't taught in business school, but ask
around if you think I'm not right. Top dogs can
invent their own rules as long as they make the
company money.

Usually the only guy they report to is the CEO, in
spite of the fact there may be three or four layers
of management in between.

When you're a rookie you can't operate like the top
dog. You will have your behind handed to you by
those three or four layers of management. It's what
they do.

But a good rookie will find a way to attach himself
to the top dog. Keep your ears open and listen. See
if he'll tolerate you spending a day or two with him.
This where the top dogs often spill their guts. They
won't tell management anything, but they will tell a
fellow salesman a trick or three. Especially if they
think you have what it takes.

I learned most everything I know about the sales
business from top dogs, and older former top dogs.
They will tell you all the good stories about how they
snatched a million dollar account right out of the hands
of competitors.

And they didn't always follow the rules, or accepted
protocol. They all did some crazy things to get noticed,
or made some outlandish statements.

The trick is knowing how to turn the encounter in your
favor once you engage the target. Many times the client
turns out to be their biggest supporter.

I don't know how many times I heard a CEO tell a friend,
"Let me tell you how I met this crazy son of a bitch...he
comes into my office and he..."

And another big account starts falling.

If you want to shoot elephants, you have to carry a big gun,
and be willing to fire it.

And like my favorite old sales guy says, "No only means no
until tomorrow." Then you can ask them again, and you'd be
surprised at how many say yes.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. If you want to catch me on the tube, or the internet, tune
into the Academy Awards on Sunday. This will be the fourth
straight year I get a boatload of free publicity. We can make
this kind of thing happen for you too, but you have to pick up
the phone and call us at 206 407 3124.

Earlier today I was running an errand,
(because it's Valentine's Day), and I
bumped into a friend of mine I call Old
Charlie. We worked together in the past
and there were two Charley's, so we
named them Old Charlie and Young
Charlie. Old Charlie is still working there,
and Young Charlie flew the coup a ways
back.

Old Charlie didn't get in the sales game
until he was 55, which is pretty late to be
getting started. He was a good listener
though, and he caught on fast. It wasn't
long before he was at the top of the leader
board, and he's been there ever since. He's
been the lead dog at times, and he's always
in the top three, month in, month out.

Charlie is in the home improvement business,
and right now nobody's buying. He made only
one sale in January, and one so far this month.
That hardly covers his mortgage. But Charley
has always been careful with his money, and
he knows that the sales business is a roller-
coaster ride. He knows that you have to put
money away when times are good, because
bad times can be just around the corner.

Charlie told me that half the salesmen will be
gone by April, because they need to be paid,
and right now people are not putting down the
credit card. Some of the new guys will not make
it six weeks during a time like this.

By the first of May things will get better, according
to Charlie, but only a few people will be left, and he'll
be one of them. He'll be running 50% of the leads
by then, and because he is a good closer, he'll be
in the money. Not only that, but because he closes
higher than other reps, he'll get the majority of big
dollar leads, because the company has to sell every
job it can to keep their numbers up.

So while many reps are tanking, Charlie sees sunshine
on a cloudy day. He's been with the company just a
hair over 10 years, in good times and bad." If you make
a good effort all the time, and manage your money," says
Charlie, "you don't need to worry about good times and
bad. And bad times go away much faster than you think."

Charlie is a lifelong Democrat, but he said he's made more
money under Bush than any other President. "For eight
years the television and newspaper have been saying the
sky is falling...but up until this bump things have been
pretty damn good. If you spent your money as fast as you
made it, you're in trouble. But if you managed it well you'll
be okay."

I agree.

Business runs in cycles, but the smart guy never gets too
excited when things are good, or too down when things are
bad. The steady, level headed guy always gets to the top.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

At The Joan Randall Agency, we've done pretty well the past
few years, and 2008 has started very well. One thing I can tell
you for sure is that if you don't stay visible, you'll get lost in the
shuffle. Those folks that pull their advertising when times are tough
are making a bad business decision. Their are always new customers
coming into the market, and if they don't know you're there to provide
your product or service, that business goes somewhere else.

Call us now, at 206 407 3124, and get your business in front of as many
people as possible.

Yesterday morning I had a young sales
doggie in my office trying to make a sale.
He was bright, enthusiastic, and he may
have had a good product.

I told him what I was looking for, and he
launched right into his pitch like a pit bull
after a porterhouse steak. He yapped for
about 20 minutes before he stopped to catch
his breath, or at least that's what it seemed
like to me.

When he was finished I said no, and off he went.

The reason I said no was this:

Instead of blindly pitching me on his product,
he should have been asking me a number of
questions about my business, and listening
to what I said. Then he should have been asking
questions to clarify just exactly what it is that I
really need.

Now if he had done that, and his product could
provide me with solutions that I am looking for,
I probably would have bought the product, because
I really did like him, and his enthusiasm.

But he spent 20 plus minutes of my time telling me
all about the benefits of a product I may, or may not,
need.

To be more successful in sales you have to have a
really good pairs of ears, and you have to be able
to customize your solution to the prospects needs.

(And if you ask a lot of questions, the client will usually
tell you exactly what their problem is.)

A lot of salesman make the mistake of thinking that
they really know how to pitch, and that will get them
the sale.

Granted, it will get you some sales.

But to be a first class salesman, you have to ask a
lot of questions. You have to make sure you know
just exactly why you are standing in front of the prospect,
and you have to know just exactly what his problem is.

A friend of mine often turns down deals that are not in
the customers interest. He often refuses to sell certain
kinds of equipment that the customer wants, but doesn't
really need. He wants to be 100 per cent sure that his
product is solving the customers problem.

At first, some clients don't get it.

But in the long run, he becomes the go to guy, because
they understand that he has not only his own interest at
heart, but theirs too.

A deal is only a good deal when it benefits both the buyer
and the seller.

You find out how to that when you ask a lot of questions.

When you start hearing your clients say, "Wow! That's a
really good question; I would have never thought of that,"
you're on the right track.

And the other thing is, only about 5 per cent of all salesman
do this.

That's why they make 80 percent of the money.

Think about that.

That means 95 per cent of all salesman are trying to make
the other 20 per cent.

Change your mentality, and you change the game.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. The key in 2008 to raising your business profile
is to get your message in key publications and media.
That's what we do here everyday at The Joan Randall
Agency. Call now, and start rising up. 206 407 3124

I was driving in to work in my Radillac, and
the DJ, radio announcer, or whatever we call
them these days started talking about the
"Addams Family." Not the new ones, but the
old TV icons portrayed by John Astin and
Carolyn Jones.

They made being Goth way cool before itz
time, which I hope has come and gone. I
could probably tolerate their kind of Goth
today, seeing as they were always nattily
dressed, and didn't appear to be averse to
soap and water.

"They're creepy and they're kooky,
Mysterious and spooky,
They're all together ooky,
The Addams Family."

All together ooky.

That describes it well.

Today Gomez is teaching at Johns Hopkins
University in Baltimore at age 78. He received
his degree in mathematics there in 1952.

Now I ask you, how cool would it be to have
Gomez as a teacher?

As far as anyone knows, Gomez is the only
known actor teaching at a university today.

Morticia died in 1983 of colon cancer. She
was only 53. A few minutes ago I looked at
a picture of her taken in 1959, and she looks
suprisingly like Isabella Rossellini. That's
pretty damn good company in my book. And
she just happened to be Aaron Spellings first
wife, You know, Tori Spelling's dad.

"There house is a museum,
Where people come to see 'em,
They really are a scree 'm,
The Addams Family."

Every time I see The Addams Family on the
vidiot box I have to watch for a few minutes,
and I usually end up watching the whole show.

Those old TV shows are timeless. Recently
I heard my daughter howling with laughter in
her room. I checked to see what was so funny.

Lucy. When you can make this generation of
kids laugh, you're funny, now bout a doubt it.

And these oldsters can make you laugh every
time.

"So git a witches shawl on,
A broomstick you can crawl on,
We're gonna pay a call on,
The Addams Family."

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. You know where I'm going to be when I'm
78? Right here in River City. I'm never going to
retire until the Joan Randall Agency is King of
the World. That's more than 30 more years of me.

206 407 3124

This is a personal gripe.

I eat out a lot, in fact almost all the
time, and rarely do more than open
a milk carton at home.

One thing I have noticed lately is that
restaurants are holding the salt on the
food. This, I think, is one of those culinary
fads that crop up all the time. Like for
instance the big egg scare of years ago,
when, after hundreds of years of eating
eggs in all ways, a bunch of nincompoops
decided that all eggs had to be cooked till
they were well done, or we would all perish.

The same thing happened later with
hamburgers, and now in many places you
can no longer get a medium rare burger.

Now many chefs are not using salt to season
their food, which is sort of like painting a
Picasso, and then putting a cloth over it so
no one can see it.

Now many physicians advise against salt,
but they also shill for drugs they don't know
anything about, and then; how many healthy
looking doctors do you know?

Many years ago an elderly Jewish woman
who lived next door to my family was put on
a no salt diet. (She was 82, and this got me
wondering about medical wisdom.) At lunch
at our house one day she said she didn't even
feel like eating anymore because her food no
longer had any taste because she no longer
used salt.

Being a smart ass teenager at the time I said,
"You won't live very long if you don't eat."

My mother was horrified, of course, but Mrs.
Snyder was non plussed. Then I offfered some
more teenage wisdom. "You're already 82," I
said. "Why don't you just eat what you want?"

At this point my mother was apoplectic, but
this seemed to strike a chord with Mrs. Snyder.
"You know," she said, you may be right about
that young man."

She went back to eating salt, and lived till she
was 91, a helluva good stretch for anyone. On
her 86th birthday she had a big steak, and a
baked potato with butter, sour cream, and salt
and pepper. I don't think I ever saw her happier.

The next time a doctor gives you advice, take it
with a grain of salt.

And chefs, salt your food, or eat it yourself.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. Last night here in Antarctica we had Penguin
in orange sauce. (Just kidding) Nobody is going to
fight a walrus for his dinner, even me.

I gotta find my wetsuit. I got an invitation to go to
the penguin surf club, and the waves are breaking.

206 407 3124

Many, many moons ago, in fact before
the Millenium, I worked for a company
where the number two and three men in
the company were nicknamed Fred and
Barney, after the Flinstones.

Fred was a huge guy, and a former Hall of
Fame National Football League player. Barney
was also a former NFL running back, who
wasn't a Hall of Famer, but he did have some
outstanding moments.

If you saw Barney you would never guess he
played in the NFL for nine seasons. Fred, on
the other hand, was huge, and when he shook
hands with you your hand would disappear.

Fred was quiet, and I don't think I ever heard
him raise his voice. All the employees in the
company loved him. When he called, or visited
a jobsite, everybody wanted to talk to him. When
he needed a favor, he had a hundred volunteers
ready to do whatever needed to be done.

Barney was a loudmouth, and nobody wanted to
be around him. There was a pipeline in the company
that warned anybody and everybody when he was
coming. He relished firing people for slight rule
infractions.When he left jobsites many people would
be in tears.

Fred used to go out and mend the damage Barney
did over the years. He would shuffle a fired employee
to another unit, or see that they got another job.

Barney never noticed, and people used to joke that
he couldn't name five employees in the company.

In the company bulletin, Barney would list the names
of the people he fired, always with the line, "We wish
them well in their new endeavor."

Barney fell ill one day at work. He was taken to the
hospital, and he had a heart attack and died. In the
company bulletin it said, "We wish him well in his new
endeavor."

At his funeral were #1 and Fred, myself, and Barney's
secretary. No employees wanted to attend. Having
cocktails later that day #1 asked Fred, "He couldn't
have been that bad, could he?"

Fred swallowed his drink, looked at #1, and laughed.
"No..." he said, "He was worse."

About 30 days after he died a large picture of Barney
was put up inside the HQ front door. When Fred arrived
the next morning, the picture and frame were destroyed.

He called maintenance. The maintenance man asked
him what he wanted to do with it. "The dumpster might
be a good place for it," Fred said.

The maintenance man hesitated, then burst out laughing.

Fred burst out laughing too.

Fred had his office emptied out and redecorated quickly.

Fred died a couple of months ago.

A couple of thousand people paid there respects.
People stood outside the church because there was
no room inside.

I heard scores of stories about things Fred did that I
had no idea about, and I knew a lot about what he did.

Fred and Barney were my education about the right and
wrong way to approach business problems. The scenarios
played out every day, right in front of me.

Nice guys do win. Sometimes it may not seem that way,
but they always come out on top.

Whenever I had a tough problem Fred would say, "Do what
think is right. You'll always know what that is."

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. I remember Barney screaming at a 17 year old kid who
had been on the job for about two days, "Son, did you hear
what I just said?" The boy said, "Yes Sir, I heard you, and my
Momma did too."

Barney paused, then said, "You're momma heard me too?
What's so remarkable about that?

"She's deaf," he replied. Barney walked on out of the building,
and drove off. He stayed at HQ for over a week before he resumed
his normal behavior.

At The Joan Randall Agency, we like to behave like my old friend
Fred, who had thousands of friends. Call us now at 206 407 3124.

Having spent a few days with some
cowpokes in Argentina, I'm moving
toward my primary destination,
Penguinville, Antarctica. The sea is
a little choppy today as we forge on
down the sea lanes to see my furry
little friends, who are all tuxedoed up
and ready to greet the Whelanator, who
has dressed up himself for this grand
occassion.

I did a little whale watching early this
morning, and I have to tell you, datz
some big fish. I was remembering a
little Moby Dick from way back, and
anybody who went out in a small
boat to harpoon one of these giants was
just plain flat out crazy. I was looking
at these whales from the deck of a huge
ship, at least 100 times bigger than any
whale vessel from 100 years ago or more.

It wouldn't be easy to bring in one of these
giants even on this floating city. I was
just thinking about being in a social situation
a hundred years back and finding out there
was a whale hunter in the group. I think I
could have sat there for hours listening to him.

I've been around some guys that are serious
hunters, and fishermen, and I don't think any
of them would volunteer to be a whale hunter.

Go out on a tiny boat in the middle of the ocean,
where the water is cold, and deep, and harpoon
a whale, and bring it in. I don't think a one of them
would volunteer for that. Even if they had a few too
many drops of whiskey, I think they would still
keep their wits about them, and settle for hunt
that would guarantee their safety.

I'll willing to bet you couldn't get any sort of insurance
as a whale hunter. I could just see that going through
risk assessment. Whale hunter? This is a joke, right?

And whaling was big business for a good while,
providing jobs for large numbers of folks. Only
the Japanese and the Russians are in the business
now.

Magnificent, these gigantic creatures! I had to give
it up after a while because I was freezing my kiester
off. But if you ever get the chance to see them, don't
pass it up.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. Whether it's whales, or the Whelanator, the most
important number in your rolodex is 206 407 3124.

Okay, so it didn't turn out exactly like
I said it would, but the wheel turned on
the New England Patriots, ending their
18-0 run. When Brady hooked up with
Moss for the second New England
touchdown my phone wouldn't stop
ringing. I turned to my wife and said,
"This game ain't over by a longshot.
Eli is going to take them down the field
and score."

And lo and behold, that is just exactly
what he did. Now I will grant you that
David Tyree's catch was near miraculous,
probably in the same category as Franco
Harris' immaculate reception many, many
years ago.

But that's what happens in big games.
Players make big plays. David Tyree hadn't
had much of a season. He hadn't caught any
touchdown passes until Eli threaded the needle
to him in the early fourth quarter. Then he makes
an absolutely spectacular catch with the game
on the line.

And then Eli finds Plaxico Burress in the end
zone with 35 seconds to play. Oh my!

This was the best Super Bowl game I have
watched in at least twenty years. I only left
the screen once, and that was at halftime.

I'll be collecting the money I won next week,
and I think at last count it was around $800.
All of it will be donated to an animal shelter
that does very good work finding homes for dogs
and cats that have been abandoned, and that
are facing the needle. All the pets in my house
have been rescued, and I think it's a good cause.

Animals have the power to restore peoples spirits.
I have seen what cats and dogs can do for peoples
spirits firsthand, and it's a wonderful thing to behold.

If you have a little extra you're looking to drop
somewhere, investigate giving to an animal shelter
or rescue operation. Tell them the Whelanator sent
you.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. No more predictions until March Madness, so
do your homework now and be ready to pick your
brackets. In the meantime, get your business flush
with new customers by calling The Joan Randall Agency.

206 407 3124

I'd have gotten this out yesterday but
heavy rains and generally stormy conditions
made connecting with the internet a virtual
impossibility. This morning the sun is
shining and all is calm, and I connected
at the first push of the button.

I have several bets going on this game, but
most of them are small time deals. I even have
a bet with an eight year old whose hero is Tom
Brady. That bet goes like this:

If I win, and I will win, he has to wear an Eli
Manning jersey to school on Monday and be
photographed wearing it. If he wins, and he won't,
I have to wear a Tom Brady jersey to work on
Monday, and be photographed wearing it.

I like these kind of bets even better than just
straight money, although there isn't anything
wrong with picking up a few extra bills on Monday
for doing nothing more than running your mouth.

(Hey...isn't that what I do anyway?)

Yeh, I like the friendly wager, where folks have to
ante up and show that they really believe in what
is flapping out of their lips.

So here it is in black and white:

Giants 35, Patriots 31.

And I guess we'll just have to keep on listening
to those 1972 Dolphins until somebody goes
undefeated, or the Dolphins go to that great big
Football Heaven.

Yes, I'm going with the upset against all advice,
because that's just the way I am. I'm just generally
contrarian, and this pick fits in nicely with the rest
of my life.

Remember, the Giants in the upset of the century,
and Eli has a sensational game.

You heard it here first, on WRIR, Whelanator
International Radio.

It's still just a concept, but you can say you were
listening to WRIR when it was still in print.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. I having a special phone put in just to field
calls from distraught New England fans on Monday,
sort of like a crisis line. You'll be able to get all
the help you need for a few days.Courtesy of me,
the Whelanator, and the company, The Joan Randall
Agency. It's the least we could do.

206 407 3124 and press 0 for losers.