March 2008 Archives

The Chairman was a very happy basketball junkie this
past week, and he was especially happy to see Davidson
advance in the NCAA tournament. And they just missed
being part of the Final Four.

Davidson proved that its basketball program was every bit
as good as the perceived elites, many of whom it defeated
to make the Elite Eight.

Davidson had one very special player, Stephen Curry, and
a host of over achievers. They also realize that basketball
is a team sport, and that the whole is often better than
the parts.

They played tenacious defense, and took the right shots at
the right time, and everything seemed to fall into place.

Davidson had one flaw, and it showed itself on Sunday night.
Their bench was not very deep, and the heavy minutes logged
by its starters began to show. To get through the tournament,
you have to win six straight games. Each round gets
progressively tougher, and its very important to keep the
players legs fresh.

Davidson didn't have that luxury, enjoyed by the bigger schools,
who can substitute without blinking an eye. Substitution allows
starters to rest, and stay fresh. The Davidson team was only
about seven deep, and its starters played at 110% without any
rest for four games, and came away winners.

Early in the second half the crack in the armor began to show.
Jump shots started hitting the front of the rim, a sure sign of
tired legs. Then a mental error here and there resulting in a turnover.
Still they fought on, and had a chance to win the game at the end.

It didn't go their way, and Kansas, the bigger, stronger, and faster
opponent, survived Davidson's valiant attempt to take down another
giant.

It's too bad we won't get to see Davidson play again this year.
When you have fewer than 2000 students, and you can hold
your own against schools that have more than 35,000, you're
doing something right, and they should be applauded for it.

Another thing here, just so you know. The coaches in the ACC,
usually all regarded as geniuses, all passed on Stephen Curry,
not thinking he was good enough to play for them, or their exalted
programs. Only one, Gary Williams at Maryland, has admitted
that they made a big mistake by not recruiting him. And what
about Virginia Tech, where his Dad was a star? What were they
thinking?

Maybe if he'd have been on that squad they might have won a
few more games.

Davidson takes me all the way back to "The Little Engine That
Could."

Nice job fella's, and hope to see you again.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. When I was building The Joan Randall Agency I often
used to think about "The Little Engine That Could." Now that
may seem like sappy stuff for a lot of you big strong men out
there, but childhood memories are a very powerful thing, and
that story was always somewhere at the front of my mind. I
can't call myself little anymore, but I still feel the same way.

At The Joan Randall Agency, we get things done, no matter
what the size of the project. Call us at 206 407 3124.

Yesterday I read a very interesting article written by
the maarketing legend Dan Kennedy about how and
where to spend your advertising dollar. Kennedy holds
what might be called a contrarians viewpoint about
advertising on the internet, and on the internet in general.

Now he isn't negative about internet advertising, he
just isn't positive. He's emotionally nuetral. He thinks i
nternet advertising is often overpriced, and many times
unreliable.

I can tell you this is true in a big way. Many companies
have adopted greed as their advertising slogan. I have
stopped doing business with many sites that have raised
their advertising prices to absolutely ridiculous levels.

Kennedy recommends advertising in magazines. He
points out that many magazines will cut you a very good
deal for a full page ad, and this is true. We have been
selling magazine ads at a very good rate since we opened
for business many years ago.

Magazines are what I like to call comfort food. We can hold
them in our hands and read them over and over. I sometimes
keep magazines on my desk for months at a time, reading
them when I need a break from the action.

Another thing about magazine ads is that it isn't hard to tell
who is making money by advertising there. I know companies
that have run different ads for years without ever taking a break.

Those who pop in and out all the time soon disappear for good.

The internet is great. It's certainly helped me improve my
business But Kennedy is right on the money here. Don't keep
all your advertising dolllars in one place, and don't ever think
magazines are old fashioned and won't bring home the bacon.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. Here at The Joan Randall Agency we have contacts with
hundreds of magazines where we can get you a substantial
discount off the regular rate. Call us and stretch your advertising
dollars to the limit.

206 407 3124

Had my bootz up on the desk this morning whilst I watched the morning news
and ate some Cheerios. I have been amused by stories from the Clinton and
Obama campaigns for a few days now, and am reminded of an old Richard
Pryor story where two of his characters would lie to each other all day.

"He'd tell a lie, and then I'd tell a lie, and then he'd tell another lie...and then
I'd tell a lie..."

It has become clear after what Kinky Friedman called the "Pastor
Diaster" that Barack has a hearing problem of sorts, or he just
slept through the sermons, much like I do.

Then Hillary told us she braved sniper fire in Bosnia, and had a big hand in
bringing peace to Northern Ireland. I thought that was George Mitchell's claim
to fame, but I must have been mistaken.

Now when this happened many years ago, the Bosnia thing, Billy Jay was
El Presidente, and as I recall, Chelsea was traveling with Hillary.

So Hillary wants us to believe that the old draft dodger sent both her and
Chelsea to a Hot Zone in Bosnia. Now Billy Jay I'm sure wishes that at
times he could have sent her there, to a hot zone, or maybe even a blazing
hot zone, but he would not have done this, or even anything remotely like
this, if Chelsea was involved.

What we have here is a couple of aging anti-war folks that would like us to
believe that they were as tough and courageous as real troops, which they
were not.

There was absolutely no chance that there was any fire anywhere near Hillary,
excepting the mess hall.

Lies are politicians stock in trade. They are allowed to tell a good story every
now and then, even when it's way off the mark.

But lying about militaty service, or being under attack, pushes the envelope too far.

When the CIA had Bin Laden trapped and cornered, Billy Jay couldn't be bothered
to take the call. He had an important putt to make. To hear him talk now you'd think
he was a West Point graduate.

Sitting at home together and chatting must go something like this:

"First I'd tell a lie...and then Billy Jay would tell a lie..."

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. The Sweet 16 starts tonight, so no calls after 8 PM EST. Just kidding, you can
call anytime you like. All my teams are out, so I'm not going to make any predictions.

Except one. If you don't call The Joan Randall Agency at 206 407 3124, you lose.

Ain't no bout a doubt it.

Be a winner!v Call now!

I was out out of town over the weekend so I didn't feel the ground moving.
Yessirree Bob, things have changed in TV land according to a poll released
today. Now, you have to wonder about credibility when you you use t
elevision and poll in the same sentence, but I'm going to soldier on here.

It seems that the new Queen of Daytime television is:

Diane Sawyer. Followed closely by Kelly Ripa. (She's the skinny one.)

That's not to insult Diane Sawyer who is, by all my standards, pretty normal.
Kelly could just use a few pounds here and there.

(She can certainly borrow them from Regis.)

Even Ellen Degeneres is in the mix.

Who's not in the mix?

Oprah.

Whoopie. (What a surprise there!)

Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

According to the poll, Whoopie needs a makeover. (I'd say an extreme makeover.)

Hasselbeck is still suffering from fighting with the Porkasaurus.

Hey, nobody mentioned Old Hairplugs! (Matt Lauer.)

Actually he finished second to Diane Sawyer.

Jay Leno is King of Late Night, and Jimmy Kimmel is ready for a move into
the bigtime.

Hey, come to think of it nobody mentioned me, The Whelanator. It's okay,
because in a couple years I'll just buy a network myself, and start my own
talk show.

It's something you can look forward to.

Yeh, that's it, or maybe it could be a reality show.

Maybe in a couple of years my reality will translate and have mass appeal.

But in the meantime, congratulations to Diane Sawyer.

And Whoopie, call me, I know a fabulous stylist.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. Many people have told me that my dream to purchase a network in the next
few years will never happen. Nobody ever thought Jimmy Carter could be elected
President either, but it happened. The next big deal is just around the corner.

Just a few short years ago The Joan Randall Agency had more bills than revenue.
Wow! Has that equation ever changed! Now we have more clients than will fit in
one of those Mega-churches.

It's all because we know how to make you a bunch of buckaluckas.

A Mega-churchfull of clients can't be wrong. 206 407 3124

I don't buy anything from salesmen who have no sense of humor, even if what they are carrying is something I could benefit from.

You may think this is a little quirky, but it's just the way I am.

If I'm going to buy something, and I buy a lot of stuff, I want a little entertainment to get thrown into the deal before I write a check or get out my credit card.

A few days ago a young guy was in here and made a sale.

I was telling him a story about a friend who just had major surgery, and he told me this story, which I have already retold about two dozen times.

"Four doctors go on a hunting trip together: a family practicioner, a gynecologist, a surgeon, and a pathologist.

A a bird flew overhead the family practicioner started to shoot but decided not to because he wasn't absolutely sure it was a duck.

The gynecologist also started to shoot, but lowered his gun when he couldn't decide whether it was male or female duck.

The surgeon meanwhile, blew the bird away, turned to the pathologist and said, "Go see if that was a duck."

Minutes after I heard this I called a friend who just had major surgery, and told him. He called yesterday to tell me he was still hurting from laughing at that joke.

Laughter is good.

It's an icebreaker, and it gets people to relax.

The more relaxed your clients are when you are selling, the more sales you are going to make.

I've only seen one exception to this rule in decades, and it would take two or three columns to explain the act this guy had perfected. He sold me for over six years before I found out he was the # 1 salesman for one of the top ten sales orginazations
in the United States.

You don't need to overdue it. Nobody expects you to be George Carlin. But having a reserve of stories you can tell is a tremendous asset, and will improve your sales.

I guarantee it.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. At TJRA (The Joan Randall Agency) we are some happy campers. That's the way it is when the selling is so much fun.

Once you have spoken with us, it's easy to see why people don't hesitate to get on board. 206 407 3124

There just isn't anything better than a comfortable chair, some heart smart snacks, and a basketball game. Especially when it's a one and done format. You lose, you snooze till next year.

Every year there is a lot of griping about who got in the tournament and who didn't, but it's pretty much all forgotten as soon as the first ball is tossed in the air.

The experts also like to rattle on about the games not being as good because so many kids opt to go professional. Tell that to Texas, which has a better team than last year, when they had superstar Kevin Durant.

By the way, anybody heard from Kevin this year? He isn't exactly tearing up the NBA last I heard.

We should be celebrating the kids that are there, not the ones who aren't.

I happen to know two kids playing this year. They don't play for UCLA or Kansas, but for Mount St. Mary's and UMBC. (That's University of Maryland - Baltimore campus.) They're two of the hardest working kids I know, and are academic standouts too.

Both contributed heavily to getting their schools in. Neither has a prayer of getting past their opponents, Georgetown and
North Carolina. But you just never know what can happen in a one game winner take all situation. That's the beauty of this annual madness.

You have to win six straight times to be crowned champion. What happened before you got here doesn't count.

So in theory, Mt Saint Mary's could win.

George Mason pushed all the way to the final four a couple of years back. They're in again this year, but I don't think they have the horses this time.

My winner: Georgetown.

Time to get to the betting window.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. The only other sure thing out there, other than the NY Giants, is The Joan Randall Agency. We aren't fancy, we just
get the job done every day, with a real emphasis on fundamentals. Some of the big boys don't like like us because we win a little too often, certainly more than they do with their massive budgets and think tanks.

Give us a call if you want to be a winner. 206 407 3124.

There is a lot to like about Barack Obama.

That's different than saying I'm going to vote for him.

Of the three who are left, only Obama and McCain
could get my vote, and right now I'm inclined to be
in McCain's corner.

This big tudu that went on today with the Obama
speech was interesting, but not really all that
important. The media sees it differently, but I don't.

His speech was good, but in my opinion he shouldn't
have had to make it. You see I really don't care what
his Reverend has to say. The Rev ain't running to be
El Presidente.

Besides, I have heard all those old conspiracy
theories before. In fact, I have a friend who believes
in every conspiracy theory there is, and even in the
ones to be invented. He is a never ending source of
entertainment to me. Ask him a simple question, and
soon he is off telling you about how the CIA started
the crack tsunami in the ghetto.

I don't care about what Reverend Wright says in the
pulpit. He knows who his audience is and what they
believe. He has to give them a little "showtime" every
week to stay on top. This is done in every church in
America every week.

Judge a man by his deeds. What a man does is much
more important than what he says.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

At The Joan Randall Agency we don't just talk and take
your money. What we do is a lot more involved than that.
We take the time to match to match your product with the
right vehicle to make it successful. We've been doing this
since the day we first opened the door. The more successful
our clients are, the more successful we are.

Call 206 407 3124 and talk to someone who isn't in the game
just for the money.

Yesterday I was on the telephone with a propectuve
client. He was haggling about the price of an ad, and
using the statement, "My regular ad broker can get it
cheaper."

Well...I can buy a lot of cheap ad space any day of
the week.

A lot of ad brokers could give two hoots in hell about
whether or not your ad sells. They are just selling space,
and that's it. When the space is sold. their service ends.
If your ad bombs they could care less. They sold the space.

That isn't the way we operate at The Joan Randall Agency.

First, we are going to find out about your business.

Second, we are going to review your ad copy.

Third, we aren't just going to sell you some ad space just
because we have some.

Before we'll accept your ad, we'll run it by several of the staff
to see what they think. Sometimes we may ask you to rewrite
your ad to make it better.

We'll then look for a place where your ad can succeed. Just
because Jo Blo has been successful on a certain website
doesn't mean you will be.

That'a mistake a lot of people make. Sometimes your product
may not be compatible with a website's demographics. I had a
customer a while back that insisted on advertising in a place we
knew he would fail. He spent $40,000 before sheepishly agreeing
we were right. When we put him on websites that we picked, his
ads pulled 8 to 1 for months. He actuallly made his loss back, and
then some.

At The Joan Randall Agency we're in it for the long haul. We want
relationships that last decades, not days.

Anybody can sell space.

We can help make you a success, and there's a big difference.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. Call us at 206 407 3124. We care about clients, and let the
brokers sell space.

Now my favorite Geraldine was the one on the
Flip Wilson show back some moons ago. Then
came Geraldine Ferraro, who was Walter Mondales
running mate way back when.

Mondale didn't want to work hard enough to be
President, so Geraldine didn't never made it out
of New York. Every now and then we would hear
from her over the years, and the last time I heard
her name it was in a story about her beating cancer,
or some other very ugly disease.

Then earlier this week she popped up in the news as
a fundraiser for Hillary Clinton, who had some particulary
harsh things to say about Barack Obama. When I first
heard her remarks I thought, "She's been around too long
to say anything like that."

But then I saw her defending her remarks, not once, but
several times, without even a hint of remorse.

As they say in Hollywood, Geraldine jumped the shark.

Hillary apologized for Geraldine, and this morning Geraldine
was no longer working for the Clinton campaign.

Geraldine's remarks were racist. They came from a time
where old party pols like her made all the decisions, and
they didn't want any Uppities getting in the way.

This should finish Geraldine's political career.

But it probably won't.

Democrats see no evil, and hear no evil, where there own are
concerned.

But I'm saying goodbye anyway.

Bub bye Geraldine.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. Flip Wilson was one of the funniest guys ever, and if you ever
get a chance to see him on cable, don't pass it up. He left us way
too early, but at least we have the tapes. His "Geraldine" will stand
up and be funny for hundreds of years.

Don't forget that April is "Kiss a Cowboy Month." If you don't want to
kiss us, give us a call instead at 206 407 3124.

Many many years ago, and quite late at night,
a comic named Sam popped up on the vidiot
box. I think this was about the same time as
Live Aid, which was to collect money for starving
Africans.

The starving Africans lived in the middle of the
desert.

Obviously there was no food there.

Sam's point was this.

Move to where the food is!

How can you have sympathy for someone who
knows what the problem is, but won't do anything
to solve it?

This same phenomenon is going on in different
states here, like Ohio. They have lost a lot of jobs
there, and the jobs aren't coming back.

So, instead of moving to where the jobs are, or
training for a different job, the people piss and
moan and put their faith in Hillary Clinton and
Barack Obama.

That's nice, but the old jobs are never coming back,
no matter how many billion dollars are pledged during
the election cycle.

And four dollar a gallon gasoline is not the top of the
market.

We have more oil than the Saudi's, but the Democrats
refuse to drill. Maybe we should drill some airholes in
their heads.

Common sense.

Sam Kinison died way too early. I can only imagine
what he would be saying this year.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. The philosophy of The Joan Randall Agency is
to give clients tremendous value at a great price. While
other agencies are stagnant, or experiencing negative growth,
we just keep expanding. It's amazing what a few licks of
common sense will do for your business. 206 407 3124

We are now deep in the campaign for the
soul of the Democratic Party. At least thatz
what we are being told.

Yesterday Billy J told anybody willing to listen
that a Clinton/Obama ticket would be absolutely
unbeatable. You have to love that just for the sheer
gall of it.

As Barack quickly pointed out, itz the winner of
the nomination that will pick the Vice President.

(And just in case you missed it Bill, right now
Hillary is in second place.)

But I really want to talk about taxes.

Both Hillary and Barack want to tax all the
successful companies to pay for all their dubious
programs.

Here's the MEMO!

Big, successful companies do not pay taxes like
you and I. They pass the taxes along to us.

For instance, if you want the oil companies to pay
another five cents a gallon in taxes, they just raise
the price of gasoline five cents, and send the money
along with the other dollar or so per gallon we are already
paying in taxes.

They certainly don't make any less money, and profits
remain high. This argument that Hillary and Barack are
going to tax only the wealthly is bogus, and always has
been.

Hillary was writing off Bill's old underwear three decades
ago according to their tax returns.

Why?

Beacuse their are two tax systems in this country. One for
the rich, and one for everyone else. And you can count on this,
Hillary and Barack know who to hire to get them the best possible
deal.

I say no more deals, the flat tax is the way to go.

17% for everyone, no exceptions.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. If you want to make some more money, flat out, then
you need our number in your Rolodex.

The Joan Randall Agency 206 407 3124.

Recently a good friend of mine had quadruple
bypass surgery, and he has been out of the
hospital and recovering at home for about two
weeks. He bitches and complains a lot, but he
does it in a very funny way. If he wasn't ranting,
I would think something was wrong.

When I asked him about pain, he said it only
hurts if he is breathing, or moving, and twice as
much if he laughs.

He also said it sure beats the alternative, which
involves incense, and a whole lot folks dressed in
cheap black suits.

What makes a coronary bypass sting is that you
basically start by having your chest sawed in half.
This little thing causes quite a bit of trauma. All the
muscles and tendons that operate the top half of
your body interact with the breastplate, and so just
scrathing your ear or nose can give you a real jolt.

Not to mention bumping into something, or finding
out that your water glass is too heavy.

Then throw in no driving, and the fact that you cannot
shower, or get dressed by yourself.

But the fact is, he basically has a new heart.

His engine has been overhauled.

The surgeon told him, "If you eat right, and exercise,
I'll never see you again."

My friend can live with that, because he wants to live.

No more walking by the broccoli.

From the big saddle.

Jim Whelan

P.S. My friend told me that the team that took care of him
in the hospital was the very best he had ever seen.

That's what people say about The Joan Randall Agency when
they have been clients for a while.

Come experience the best, and forget about the rest.

206 407 3124