A couple of weekends ago I met with a large group of successful people. About half the group had college degrees, some with advanced degrees. The other half probably didn't finish high school, much less log any university time.

I fell in the middle. I finished high school, but didn't go to college. I did a little forgetable stint in the Army, and then went to work building my first company, which was a freight business.

When I started that business I didn't know much about the freight business, or trucks, or paperwork, or how to acquire customers, and keep them. In fact, I didn't have much going for me other than a burning desire to build a company.

I learned how the freight business worked on the job. Then I figured out some unique ways to make money based on what my competitors were doing, and not doing very well. I took those things that they didn't do well, and found a way to do them very well. That kick started my company, and got me a bunch of free publicity. When I saw how easy it was to get free publicity, I started picking up the phone to get some more, and that worked pretty well for me. I didn't have to spend money on advertising because I had reporters writing stories about me.

Having someone else tell your story is better than anything you can do for yourself. Somedays the phone would ring off the hook.

In those days I worked 18 hours a day, 7 days a week. Then I found a mentor who showed me how to delegate, and how to outsource a good number of the things I thought I had to do. Pretty soon I had a decent life that didn't consist of working all the time.

When I gained all that time I started reading books, listening to CD's and watching DVD's about any number of subjects. Thus began my self education, which continues today. I also spent a lot of time listening and watching what we call oldtimers. I learned more from these guys than I could ever put down on paper.

I am convinced that anyone can be a success if they have the desire to succeed. They are certainly plenty of naysayers in the marketplace that think that isn't possible, that there will never be, as they say, a level playing field.

Well the news flash is this: Desire will overcome all obstacles.
Thomas Edison failed to invent the lightbulb 10,000 times. But the point is he suceeded because he kept trying.

If you want to be a success in business, just get in the game.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

P.S. To start getting the sweet flutter of large denomination bills headed to your business, contact us at: thejoanrandallagency.com, or call 206 407 3124.

It was way back when...when I learned about the
law of unintended results. I was taken back to that
time by an article in this mornings Washington
Times about the airlines and their Skycaps, or
baggage handlers.

The article was written by Tom Ramstack,
(Now there's a name-Ramstack), and it's a
perfect illustration of the Law, as I learned it.

Sometime back the airlines instituted a $2 fee
for handling curbside baggage. This fee used to
be determined by the passenger in the form of
a tip to the baggage handler. When you could
make up your own mind about this, most people
overpaid for the service out of a sense that this
was a thankless job, and they enjoyed being generous.

Then the airlines decided that they wanted a piece
of the action. They decided that rather than raise
ticket prices $2, they would collect this fee from the
baggage handlers, and make it look like the baggage
handlers were responsible.

Most people believe that the two bucks goes
to the handlers, and it doesn't.

As a result of this stupid policy, passengers
have stopped tipping the baggage handlers, who
are now suing the airlines.

This nickel and dime approach is also used
by the banking industry, and quite frankly, it's
a pain in the old keister.

To give you an example of this kind of outright
stupidity I'll relate my following adventure at an
unnamed large national bank. I had a couple of
large checks on the corner of my desk, and I
decided to go deposit them in the bank over
the lunch hour.

I have several accounts in this bank, and the
deposits run well into six figures in all of them.
When I indicated that I wanted to deposit this
money in a specific account I was asked whether
I had a deposit slip, which I didn't.

The teller responded, "That will be a $7.50 charge."

"What?"

"There is a $7.50 charge for a deposit slip,"
replied the teller.

What happened next was not pretty. The
Whelanator demanded a manager, and when
one didn't appear quickly, he got loud. When the
manager finally appeared, he got a piece of the
Whelanators mind for a good loud ten minutes,
and when he was finished other bank patrons
applauded, and chimed in with attaboys.

I didn't pay the $7.50.

In fact, the bank waives almost all fees for me,
because they don't want a repeat performance.

But this nickel and dime stuff is really stupid.
The only outcome can be bad, as the airlines are
going to find out. First, they have disgruntled
employees on the front line of their business, and second, legal fees are not cheap.

Think you can fool the public? Think again.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

P.S. Happy Mother's Day! From all of us at:
thejoanrandallagency.com. 206 407 3124.

I have been a lot of places in the world, but I
have never even been close to Burma, or Myanmar,
or whatever this place recently in the news is called.

I was apalled though, when yesterday the Right
Reverend Fat Al tried to sweep the horrible events of
the weekend into his global warming tent. Yes,
according to the Right Reverend Fat Al, the cyclone
that wreaked havoc and killed over 100,000 people was
caused by global warming.

Apparently the earth has no history of cyclones,
tornadoes, and hurricanes that he can't fit under his
evangelical tent.

Here in this country we have Katrina to look back at,
and there is no doubt W and his lefftenants mishandled
that event. But sitting in my office its very hard to imagine
over 100,000 dead.

(And I suspect that number is going to keep rising.)

Burma is governed by a gang of military thugs, and
no aid is getting through. The U.S. would like to help,
but the thugs haven't been responsive.

There are no more charitable people on earth than
right here in this country. Time and time again, as
misfortune strikes around the globe, the American
people respond. We send billions of dollars in relief
to almost anyone in trouble.

The trouble is that most of the money doesn't get to
where it should. We learned that lesson after 9/11 right here.

In NYC for instance, fireman still don't have all the
protective gear they need to fight large scale disasters.
They are getting some of what they need from
actor/director/commediene Denis Leary's fund, in which
95 cents of every dollar contributed goes directly to buy
what the firemen need. In most other organizations the
reverse is true. 5 cents out of every dollar contributed
actually makes it to the victim.

The is a tragedy too.

Charities need to be held accountable for the money
they take in and supposedly distribute, and this includes
the Red Cross, which has a terrible record of delivering the goods.

We can never stop natural disasters, in spite of what the Right Reverend Fat Al thinks.

But we can fix the way aid is collected and distributed.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

P.S. I'm thinking about selling billboard space on
Fat Al's back. If you're interested, contact us at:
thejoanrandallagency.com, or call 206 407 3124.

When ole Snakehead Jimbo Carville talked about
trailer trash queens several years back he probably
never imagined Baba Wawa in the group. She was
still sitting pretty as a respected newscaster in those days.

Then Baba got involved with the insipid television
show called "The View" and little by little the silverware
started to acquire some tarnish.

In spite of her protestations to the contrary, Baba
instigated the whole Rosie and Donald feud, and
then she fired Rosie to bring in Whoopie.

She has always maintained a kind of sanctimonious
air that struck me the wrong way. You would have
thought that she was Saint Baba in the way she
conducted interviews.

So now she has written a book to fill us in on what
we really didn't want to know in the first place.

She failed at three marraiges, and had a parade
of affairs with powerful men, a married black
Senator from Massachusetts among them. This
particular information was leaked last week in a
bit of what W would have called strateegery.

For some reason Baba just had to get that
information out in public, along with all the rest
of the soiled lingerie.

She is now the Pamela Debarge of the newscasting
industry. You may remember Pamela as the super
groupie that wrote the book, "I'm With The Band...
Confessions of A Super Groupie."

Now Baba can claim her trailer park turf too, since
we know everybody she "swept wif." It all should make
good fodder for Oprah, who is above all this except
when it's ratings gold.

Leave the book sitting on the shelf, it really
doesn't deserve to be a bestseller.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

P.S. To take the express train to the top the
mountain, contact us at: thejoanrandallagency.com,
or call 206 407 3124.

If Buckwheat was President he might have some
signs made up that say "Cil The Reech!" (That's
kill the rich.)

After finishing watching the news this morning
and reading a couple of newspapers, it's really
clear the government is good at one thing in particular,
and that is wasting your money.

The Democrats in Congress have already outspent
their Republican colleagues, and want to lift the
ceiling on spending for the second time. It is no
mean trick to have outspent the Republicans, who
spent more money than anyone in history up to this
point, but the Democrats are up to the task, and this
is without universal health care, and the myriad of
other programs the Democrats are proposing.

Meanwhile, the Coast Guard scraps eight ships at
a cost of over several hundred million because the
firm they hired to do the retrofitting failed to make the
ships seaworthy.

Then there is the ethanol debacle. Corn based ethanol
was always a bad idea, except to environmentalists.
With oil at $110 a barrel, corn ethanol has to be
subsidized to compete with oil, and it has sent food
prices through the roof.

Dumb de dumb dumb.

Those taxpayer refunds are due soon, a fix for
an economy that wasn't in nearly as much trouble
as everyone thought. When the jobless rate drops
to 4.95% it's time to pay attention.

Bush has maintained that the country is not in
a recession, in spite of all the genius economists
and media pundits. I think he is right on this, and
it's the first thing I've agreed with him on in quite a while.

We need to remember an old rule.

If the government can do it, we can do it better,
faster, and a helluva lot more efficiently.

The FAA, (Federal Aviation Administration), can't
even do safety checks on airplanes without causing
airlines to shut down for days.

The Office of the Attorney General says that illegal
aliens standing on the street are not committing a crime.

Duh?

Private enterprise always has been, and will continue
to be, the salvation of this country.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

P.S. The Joan Randall Agency is not some big
bureacratic ad agency. It's a lean mean fighting
machine, ready to do battle for you on a moment's
notice. Contact us at: thejoanrandallagency.com,
or call at 206 407 3124.

Over the weekend I met with my fave orr ite
designer, Sylvia Danese Di Cola, and her right
or left hand man, Lou. I think Lou is ambidextrous,
or something. He ponied up for a couple of glasses
of ice cold milk, which is The Whelanators beverage
of choice, which makes him okay by me.

If you're in the market for some high fashion threads
you need to check Sylvia out at:

www.danesecreations.com

Not only did I order a new tuxedo, but several of my
friends did too. For me, this is Tuxedo # 7, so that
only makes 23 more to go.

My goal is to have 30 tuxedoes, one for every day of
the month. And of course I'll have to have boots and
a hat for each one too.

The tuxedo Sylvia is making this time is unlike
anything anyone has ever seen before. It's so cool
that Elvis and Liberace want to come back from the
dead just to wear it, but they are plain out of luck...
not to mention time.

The tuxedo has become THE LOOK for
THE WHELANATOR. It's my signature, and
nobody is going to top me.

The tuxedo is also a business magnet. When I go
to an event, nobody ever forgets who I am and what
I do. When I call them later it's instant recognition.

I appeared at an event Friday night in Tuxedo # 6,
and immediately people began asking where they
could get a tuxedo like it. Here's the deal: You can
get a tuxedo, and a fine one it will be be; but it won't
be like mine. My tuxedo's are one offs, meaning that
design doesn't get sold to anybody else.

But not to worry, Sylvia can make you
YOUR VERY OWN DESIGN. That's exactly what
she's doing for some of my friends, and they are
indeed happy campers, looking forward to drinking
their first martini while wearing some sophisticated
threads.

Well I have to run, it seems like the horse is all
saddled up and ready to go. But like I say, if you're
in the market for some threads that make an impression,
be you a mane, or wo mane, check out my friend Sylvia.

You won't be disappointed. I guarantee it.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

P.S. And as always, you can find us at:
thejoanrandallagency.com, or call 206 407 3124.

Every time I need a good laugh, I always turn to
a book that contains thousands of stupid things
people have said. It never fails as a pick me up.

There is a special sports section that always
gets me, and I've read it at least fifty times.

Today's gem was, "Left hand, right hand, it
doesn't matter. I amphibious." Those words were
spoken by former North Carolina basketball star
Charles Shackleford.

Or the anonymous tourist who asked a lifeguard,
"Which beach is closest to the water?"

How about this one, asked of a travel planner.
"If you go to a restaurant in Idaho...and you don't
wan't any kind of potato with your meal, will they
get upset and ask you to leave?"

Former Washington, D.C., mayor Marion Berry
has some jewels. The first is,"What we have here is
an egregious miscarriagement of taxitude."

"The contagious people of Washington have stood
firm against diversity during this long period of inclement
weather."

I miss old Marion. There isn't anybody as
unintentionally funny as he used to be.

The title of today's piece was something Yogi
Berra said about Steve McQueen.

Everybody needs a little help shedding the blues at
times. This book has always worked for me.

So has calling a friend who always makes me laugh,
or getting out one of the old classicly funny movies.

There are comedy channels on radio, and on television.

Then there is the King...Larry the Cable Guy.

He's funny...I don't care who you are.

I watched a biography of Larry the Cable Guy a few
weeks back. He may just be the hardest working man
in show business. He wasn't an overnight sensation.
He put in ten years on the road before he caught a big
break, and then put in another three years before stardom
came calling.

Now he's the number one act in America, hauling in
$500,000 a night. He doesn't have to dress up either.
He just goes to a tractor supply store, buys some cheap
shirts, and rips off the sleeves.

So there isn't any reason to go around like an old
sourpuss. Find a simple cure, like I did, and like
scores of other people.

The more you laugh, the longer you live.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. If you want your business to be Number One
with a bullet, contact us at: thejoanrandallageny.com,
or call us at 206 407 3124.

There's an old saying, "Necessity is the
mother of invention."

If you go back and check records of some
of the biggest businesses in America, you'll
find out that many of them were started in very
tough times.

The same thing is true with many successful
small businesses. The vast majority of business
done in this country is with businesses that gross
$50 million dollars or less. Those businesses actually
dwarf the mega businesses.

I started this business four years ago when almost
everyone thought I should stick with what I was doing.
But I thought differently, and so do a lot of others.

Interest in small business is at an all time high. Many
folks are looking for a second income to supplement
what they already earn.

Why is that?

Because they want financial freedom.

Many of these second businesses will take years
to grow, and some will fail. Only a handful will skyrocket
to riches. But the more people are dissatisfied, the more
necessity becomes the mother of invention.

On a good television show on CNBC you can watch
Monday through Friday at 10 PM who all these dreamers
and believers are. The stories are fascinating, and I can't
look away once the program starts.

It really should be required viewing in high schools
and universities. All the people on the show have the
entreprenurial spirit, including the host, who did pretty
well for himself in business before moving to television.

All these people faced many obstacles, but they
came through and became successful by remaining true
to their dream.

What we need right now is more dreamers. They don't
care about bad credit, housing crunches, business
climates, and all that other stuff that used to be called
excuses.

Support small businessmen whenever you can. They
are the lifeblood of the country.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. I just barely arrived home and I'm on
the road again Friday. But this what I signed up for.

Contact the Cowboys at: thejoanrandallagency.com,
or call us at 206 497 3124.

So the big Pennsylvania primary is over and
essentially nothing has changed at all. Obama
is still ahead, and all the real skilled vote counters
can't figger out how Hillary can win, and they
have run many a scenario.

But yet ole Hill raised somewhere up to 10 million
buckaluckas in the last 24 hours. This is sorta like
the old gold rush, where a guy finds one good nugget and 20,000 people follow him into the valley.

She can't win.

It's that simple, but the Clintons won't get out. T
hey want a chance to say to the Super Delegates
that Bro' Barack will be a disaster in November.
The fact that both of them are a disaster doesn't
seem to be on either's minds.

McCain may be old, but he has a lot more sense
than either one of these two, even if you combined
their good qualities. This ain't ta say Big John hasn't
been on the wrong side of some issues, notably
immigration, where miscalculation doesn't begin to
explain his point of view.

But you don't hear Big John talking about billions
and billions of new social programs that no one has
any idea how to pay for. Hells bells, we don't even
know how to pay for what's already on the table.

And this "change" thing is starting to annoy me.
What changes? When are we going to make them?
How much are they going to cost?

Hillary says will will fight for the working class when
she gets elected. She says you can count on her to
be a difference maker. But it doesn't mean anything if
you can't get the nomination of your own party.

It's over, and it will be painful for her when the Super
Delegates vote for Obama, who will of course be a
disaster. He may even surpass the Carter debacle,
which is still running in the Middle East.

The smart strategy would be to get out, sit it out,
and watch Obama lose to McCain, then get ready
for 2012. Democrats don't like to vote for candidates
who have already been in the ring and lost, which is
why we hain't heard from Kerry, or Gore. By pulling
the plug now, ole Hill will be in position for another
go round.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. I'll be doing a ho bunch of travelin' in the
coming weeks, and The Whelanator will be making
appearances in Tampa, Washington, NYC, just to
name a few. I'm startin' ta feel a little bit like Elizabeth
Taylor with all the stuff I have to haul around. But The
Whelanator can't be seen in the same tuxedo two days
in a row. It's not good for the image.

As always, you can contact us at: www.thejoanrandallagency.com,
or call us at 206 407 3124.

I have written about Big Bill before, but I guess
he didn't get the last memo. Now I will tell you
this isn't a Keith Olberman type of disagreement,
and O'Reilly has many more hits than misses,
and generally I like his program. But when he starts
acting like a liberal elitist Democrat, I have to get
my say.

Last night you would have thought he was
Nancy Pelosi as he ranted and raved about Big Oil,
and he betrayed his picayune knowledge of what is
driving up the price of oil.

He doesn't like to see big profits, especially from
the oil companies. He doesn't mind seeing himself
at the top of the totem pole, but whoa be unto any
American company that is too successful.

Most companies drew a lesson many years ago
from Microsoft. The brief history of Microsoft's troubles
is that the poorly performing CEO's in the computer
field could not compete with Microsoft on the field of
battle, so they went crying to Congress and the courts
about "unfair trade practice." What the boards of these
companies should have done is fire them, but they did
what boards do, which is get paid for nothing.

Congress, who never misses a chance to meddle
where it knows nothing, got involved, and liberal
Democratic judges woke up from their deep sleep to
side with the companies that didn't know how to market,
negotiate a deal, or compete in the open market. The
rational was that Microsoft was doing too well, so they
should be penalized.

This exactly the same attitude that the European
community is now taking toward U.S. companies.
They are too big and too successful, and therefore
they don't want them in Europe.

While O'Reilly was ranting about Big Oil not building
any refineries in the U.S., he conveniently forgot that
t was Congress who made it almost impossible to get
one built. No company is going to spend ten to twenty
times more than what it is worth to build anything, including
refineries.

Congress has also refused to let Big Oil drill in its
own backyard, where not one, but two of the largest
oil fields in the world are located. It would take twenty
years just to get past all the idiotic environmental
regulations before the digging could even start.

And here is the astonishing thing.

Bottled water is more expensive than gasoline.
We get that right here, straight out of the ground,
or spring, and by the time it gets to the consumer
it is way more expensive than oil.

Those greedy bottled water operations are criminal,
just criminal.

Oil, drilled in the Middle East, is put in barrels, or
in the holds of enormous cargo ships, and sent on
a long journey to the U.S. to be refined. Not only is
it refined, we have to make upwards of 40 different types
of gasoline to meet all the differing standards between
states. Then it has to be shipped again, and every step
in the process it is taxed.

And after all that, bottled water is more expensive, and we
are buying it like it's going out of style. Is anyone complaining?

No! I haven't heard a peep. Nary a one.

O'Reilly likes his act a liitle too much sometimes. He
may have been just a regular guy once, just like
Bruce Sprigsteen was a struggling musician once. The
Boss now has 500 million dollars, so he's hardly a
working class guy anymore.

This ranting and raving against the oil companies is
so O'Reilly can position himself as a working class
stiff from Long Island. Bill hasn't been a working class
stiff in a long time. He is a very successful businessman,
and his show commands the highest advertising dollar in
television.

Let's propose a windfall tax on that, and see what he says.

I'll bet he is already composing a new tune.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. If you haven't dropped in at: thejoanrandallagency.com,
it's high time you did. You can see plenty of pictures of me
as I travel around the globe, bringing the tuxedoed cowboy to
the far reaches of the earth. And you can always call 206 407 3124.