Every now and again I wander out on the
Internet to see what other advertising agencies
are doing. This morning I spent about two
hours looking at websites that I had heard about
or was referred to.

The astonishing thing was that not a one
of them was worth a second look, and I'm
talking about some very large agencies.

First, the ice cold designs are immediate turn offs.

Second, most of them read like a bad corporate report.

Third, you have to think that if they can't
design a website well for themselves, how
are they going to do it for you.

By the look and feel of these websites you
would think that none of the people involved
here have ever sold anything. In fact, I'd be
willing to lay a pretty large wager that none of
the people involved in these agencies have
any belly to belly sales experience at all.

And my second wager would be that the
"creative" people have way too much influence
over how business is done. Creative people are
a nice thing to have, and I employ numbers of
them for various projects at The Joan Randall
Agency. But they never have the last word.

Ever.

I always make all the final determinations about
what is good and what isn't.

There is only one determining factor about an ad
that is important. It is an extremely simple exercise,
and today it is forgotten while the industry pats itself
on the back for a job well done.

If an ad makes money it's a good ad. If it doesn't
make money it's a failure, and I don't give two hoots
in hell about how many awards it wins for this or that.

Make money...good.

Fail to make money...get fired.

Ads don't have to be pretty, they don't have to have
beautiful models in them, they don't have to have
the best photographer on the planet, and I could go
on and on.

What they have to be is effective, and you know an ad
is effective when consumers take out their wallet and
hand over their cash or credit card. That means that
all the right triggers were pulled and that the consumer
wants what you have to sell. And hopefully, they'll need
your product over and over and over again.

Don't get sucked in to the dog and pony shows these
mega agencies put on. They could care less if your
product sells.

Here at The Joan Randall Agency we care about
whether or not you make money. We're a profit
driven business, and we want you in the win column.

One website I looked at today has floating colored dots.

Floating colored dots!

That would never have passed muster here.

Spend your hard earned money with an agency that
knows what it's doing.

We are the straw that stirs the drink.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

P.S. Have a happy and safe Indepence Day.

thejoanrandallagency.com
206 407 3124

This morning on the television it started. The Fourth
of July is almost upon us, and the anti-meat eaters
want to spoil all the backyard fun with their gruesome
stories of cancer and a myriad of diseases they try
to link to animal protein.

I say lets BBQ some vegetarians for the Independence
Day celebration.

One of the pitches these yokels were trying to sell
was a veggie riblet. I can't even imagine what hallucinogens
you would have to be taking to think that a pressed veggie
riblet would be better than a slab of baby back ribs just
pulled from the grill.

Or that one of those disgustingly dry Boca Burgers is
really a substitute for a medium rare slider complete
with lettuce, tomato, onions, and pickles.

(Ketchup and mustard optional)

And I don't want chickpea salad substituting for old
fashioned German potato salad with bacon.

It just isn't right.

And why would anyone listen to somebody like
Pamela Anderson, who while she doesn't eat meat,
allows herself to be a guinea pig for chemical
enhancement. There must be something in her diet, (
I think it's the eggplant), that keeps her from
generating new brain cells, and coming back to
Tommy Lee.

There's a Puerto Rican joint not that far from where
I live that roasts whole hogs. If I get just one request
before I pass on it will be one more stop for the big
pig platter there. It might be too late, but maybe I can
have them cater my Independence Day Backyard Blowout.

The menu will be simple.

Bring meat.

Lots of it.

And some cold beverages.

I'll be the grillmaster.

(You'll know it's me because I'll be the one wearing the fur coat.)

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

P.S. I know a lot of people are taking a long
weekend, so be careful out there, and please
don't drink and drive. Eat plenty of meat,
and thank God you live in the greatest country
in the world.

thejoanrandallagency.com
206 407 3124

Last night I had a very interesting conversation with a young
group of salespeople who had been trained wrong. Most sales
companies have training programs, but not many of them are
any good. Oh...the company thinks they're good training programs,
and so do most of the sales executives or managers, but the truth
is they are turning out mostly robots.

Hear a certain phrase used by a prospect...use a certain line
to get a response. This is all fine and good in uncomplicated
situations, and for small deals, but it is useless when things
get larger, and more complicated.

Here you need to learn the fine art of horse trading, or giving
to get something in return.

A friend of mine in restaurant sales demonstrated this to me
many years ago. He walked into a clients restaurant around
lunchtime, and he found the owner desperately trying to get
ready for lunch because employees had decided not to
show up that day. He took his jacket off, hung it up, and
started pitching in. He had me do the same, and gave me i
nstructions as he went along. I got my first lesson in
"busting suds."

Within thirty minutes the kitchen was ready, and he told
the owner to go out front, and we would handle the kitchen.
Together, we handled about 150 people for lunch, and
then we cleaned up, leaving about 230 in the afternoon.
The owner was extremely grateful, and thanked us profusely.

The next week we met for lunch and I asked him about
that account. He told me that prior to that day we pitched in,
he owned about 25% of the business in that restaurant.
After our day in the kitchen, the owner gave him almost
80% of the business, which took him from being a secondary
supplier to the primary supplier.

His weekly commission rose from about $55 to over $400.
When you annualize that...it is $2860 versus $20800. That's a
very substantial increase. And all because he was willing to
give something without ever asking for anything in return.

He used this priciple all the time, and very rarely did it not
work. One time at an industry function I asked some folks
about his chef skills. One guy told me, "He's forgotten more
skills than most chefs today have acquired."

That's pretty high praise.

Another told me that he saved his job by showing him how
to put together a menu that was first class, and made money
something that isn't easy to do. "After a while," he said, "You
just ended up doing business with him."

This is a very simple philosophy. Give...and you shall receive.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

P.S. Give yourself a gift, and contact us here at:
thejoanrandallagency.com, or call 206 407 3124.
We can help you put more money in your pocket starting
today.

Fat Fritz is one of my good friends, and we disagree about
just everything except food, which he eats way too much of.
He also drinks prodigious quantities of beer, which he
brews himself.

Lately Fat Fritz has been on a crusade against the oil
companies, and anyone else he thinks make "obscene"
profits. He has allies like Joe Biden, Tom Dodd, and
Nancy Pelosi. All of them are on the record as wanting
to take a look at corporate profits, which they claim are
excessive, and evil.

According to that logic, the majority of businesses in
America must be evil, and John Q Public must be
Satan himself.

I was talking with a Buddhist friend of mine the other day,
and I asked him what the Buddhist point of view would be
on this issue. He laughed, and said the answer might
surprise me. I told him to hit me with his best shot.

It was just then that Fat Fritz arrived, beer in hand.
I told him that Lama was just about to tell me what
Buddha thought about business. He smiled fron ear
to ear, and said that Buddha would agree with him.

Lama started by saying that Buddha fully approved
of doing doing business. Then he said he not only
approved of doing business, but that it was the duty
of a businessman to make as much money as possible.
The more money he made, the more spiritual he would
become. In fact, he said the wealthier a man is, the
better. The more money he had, the more money he
could put in circulation.

By chance I looked at Fat Fritz, and all the color had
drained from his face. His mouth was hanging open,
and I thought he was going to fall off his chair. He was
dumbfounded.

Even Lama paused, and asked Fat Fritz if he was okay.

Fat Fritz said that he had never heard such a thing,
and that he thought true Buddhists gave up everything.

Lama said a Buddhist could give up everything if he
wanted to, but didn't know what purpose that would
serve, other than another hungry mouth to feed.

Then he went on, saying that many well meaning people
come to Asia to learn about Buddhism, and when they
get home they distort the meaning of what they have been
told for any number of reasons. They create what he called
Ultra Light Buddhism, which really has no relationship at all
to what Buddha actually belived.

But politically it is very palatable, and no one rebukes
them for misusing the truth.

Just for kicks I asked Lama about the oil companies. I
wanted to see if I could really shake up Fat Fritz.

"They are doing their jobs," replied Lama.

"They pay tens of thousands of salaries, and they
provide an income for those who invest in their companies.
Isn't that what they are supposed to do?"

Fat Fritz started warming up. "But they made $40 billion
dollars in the middle of a recession. Isn't that obscene?"

"No," said the Lama. "Wouldn't you expect the largest
company in the world to have large profits? I think I would
be looking at the other companies who can't seem to do
things right, or are breaking the law by misusing other
peoples money."

Fat Fritz went silent. I only wished it was that had shut him up.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

P.S. What we do here at the ranch is try to help you
maximize your hard earned money. We do things better,
faster, and at a price that is more than fair.

thejoanrandallagency.com
206 407 3124

I almost couldn't believe it when I heard it, but the United States Supreme Court struck down the Washington, D.C., gun law as unconstitutional. There has never been a victory for gun owners like this one.

You may not know that Washington, D.C., had the toughest anti-gun law in the country, and that it also did not work at all, in spite of all the rhetoric from city officials, and D.C.'s very own special city council.

The "District" as it is known there, has had one of the highest
rates of crime in the country. In fact, it led the nation in homicides per capita for a number of years, only recently being eclipsed by Baltimore, a mere 40 miles down the road.

All these stats were gathered while that tough anti-gun law was in place. Senator Jim Webb from Virginia carried a gun with him at all times in the District, and when caught blamed it on an aide. Nobody in Washington is responsible for anything.

Barack Obama was both for the D.C. gun ban, and a big supporter of the 2nd Ammendment, two positions that most normal people couldn't hold. But when you're a saint it's easy to be for two positions on the same issue.

Driller John, (except in ANWR), has been on the right side of this issue for some time, so let's give him some credit here.

Now maybe others in the seven states that still have restrictive gun laws will be emboldened too, and file lawsuits with the court. They had better hurry though, because this correct decision on gun ownership could be flip flopped by the next presedential appointment.

But today the news is good, and we should celebrate.

A man, or woman, can defend their castle, even in the District.

Bravo Supremes, you got it right.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

P.S. "Lock and load. Is there anybody downrange? Fire on my command! Fire!"

At that point many years ago about 250 M16's opened fire at the same time. I still remember the noise, and the smell on the firing range. I also remember thinking that I was certainly glad to be on the right side of the bullets, and that nobody was firing back.

Guns are not toys, whether you're a soldier or civilian. Now criminals in the District will have to think twice before brandishing a weapon, because they won't know if their intended victim has one too.

thejoanrandallagency.com
206 407 3124

No matter how much good you do there is always someone throwing poison darts at you. They just can't stand the fact that you did something with your life and became successful, while they didn't.

There is an old saying that the further up the ladder of success you climb, the bigger target your keister becomes, and the more people are willing to shoot at it.

It certainly is true, and I have the bullet holes to prove it.

So we are left with the question of what to do.

Legendary marketing expert Dan Kennedy says we should celebrate our critics, stamding up and shouting, " Yes! Yes!" because the more critics we have, the more successful we are, and will become.

The Zen Master of the Internet, Matt Furey, just ignores them completely. He views them all as a complete waste of time and space, and just makes them disappear in his mind.

Both Furey and Kennedy occasionally answer their critics, but not by name, because this only serves to make the flames burn higher. "What these people want is attention," say both of them, "and not giving it to them drives them crazy."

The other reason they don't publicly answer their critics is that the other side will undoubtedly publicly post any answer they make, and rarely, if ever, will they post the entire piece.

Here's another thing to keep in mind.

Critics very rarely buy what you are selling.

And it doesn't matter, even if you make the changes they want you to, they still won't buy. All they want to do is complain, which is the only thing they are good at.

That's a fact, but you needn't get wrapped up in it. Critics are not your problem, especially if they are not buyers. You should spend no time worrying about them and whatever screwball ideas that they have.

Just move on. Taking care of real customers is hard work.That's where you should devote your time.

And one more thing. If a critic ever threatens you, he or she has broken the law. Save all their correspondence in a special file. If they use the phone, record their calls. This stuff is very helpful if you ever need to take very strong action against them.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

P.S. If you haven't contacted us here at: thejoanrandallagency.com, or called us at 206 407 3124, you may be putting as much as 50% of your advertising dollars in the sewer and flushing them downstream.

Sometimes pictures are worth a thousand words, and if you click on the link provided, you'll get to see a great new advertising venue that you can take advantage of, like I already have.

http://www.news3online.com/index.php?code=67pwE1W43k990mXJ25IA

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board
And new Presidential Candidate

thejoanrandallagency.com
206 407 3124

The Whelanator has always been an independent cuss. I've made a sort of specialty out of blazing my own trail. But it wasn't until I began to accept the fact that some people might be smarter than I am that I began to really find gold.

I currently have a guy I am mentoring in the sales business, and we started working together sometime last fall. We had a phone session today, and he had some incredible statistics to share with me.

Since January of this year, he has increased his sales by 100% over last year, and he still has six months to go. He has increased his big ticket sales by 50%, and his closing percentage by 60%. He will increase his personal income from $250,000 to $500,000 by the end of the year.

He is a very happy camper, and I'm going to have to increase my consulting fee, which is always a good thing.

The amazing thing is that we are only 20% into the program I designed for him, and he has had out of this world results.

The one attribute that he has that really stands out is his willingness to accept and implement the advice he receives. He takes one step at a time, implements it, and moves forward.

Then he takes another step, adds it to the first, implements it,and moves forward again. He told me today that most of his prospects now close themselves, and ask him what kind of payments he accepts. They also inquire about what other programs he has, because they clearly see the long term benefits of the relationship.

The whole key to his quantam leap is to accept and implement what I have taught him. When I mastered this simple concept, I made my own quantam leap, and it's been an exhilarating ride.

There are a lot of very smart people out there who are ready, willing, and able to help you. They're not free, but you should spend the money without a second thought. It will come back to you in spades.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

P.S. You can get a consulting session with me that will definitely help get your business on the right advertising track. It isn't free, but it's worth every cent. Contact us for
details at: thejoanrandallagency.com, or call 206 407 3124.

No, it wasn't Frank Rich, or Maureen Dowd.

That would be way too much too expect, especially of Rich,
who is a Billy Jay Fellowship winner, and the the only exception
to the "even a broken clock is right twice a day" rule.

The columnist would be David Brooks, and on June 20th he
wrote a piece in the Times called "The Two Obamas."

It's worth reading.

And remembering.

It may get read, but I doubt it will be remembered. Obama is
on the fast track to sainthood, and I don't think anyone can
stop the train.

There is hope however.

And it lies in the price of gasoline. You see, when Saint Obama
gets to Washington, he might not be able to raise taxes. Even
on those evil corporations that provided him with a $4 million dollar
income last year. But remember, his advice to college graduates.
"Ambition is not a good thing." Except for him.

Gas prices are not coming down soon. A windfall profits tax will
not bring down the price of gasoline, it will raise it higher. The
public won't stand for higher gasoline prices and higher taxes.

No matter how silky his voice and words, Americans can count.
And if they have less money under Obama than with Bush, they
are not going to be happy. Add the gazillions of dollars for absolutely
idiotic green projects, and he will be a one term disaster.

Brooks chronicles Obama's record. He voted "present" 130 times
in Illinois.

He took no stand on any controversial issue.

He did nothing in the U.S.Senate.

Brooks calls him "Fast Eddie."

And a ruthless opportunist.

I'm more interested in the ruthless opportunist.

Like our old friend Billy Jay, Obama may know what to do to get to
the White House. The problem is knowing what to do when you get
there.

Dick Morris says Billy Jay spent the first four years learning how
to be President. Then it didn't matter anymore.

I don't think Obama has fours years to learn the job. In Washington,
most of your friends have deserted the ship by then.

Brooks is ambivalent about the two Obamas.

He shouldn't be.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

P.S. We do it all here at: thejoandallrandallagency.com.
Newspapers, magazines, radio, television, whatever your
media needs. And we do it better, faster, and cheaper than
our competitors.

Call 206 407 3124

This morning at the breakfast joint I was thinking about
how many hours I actually put in in a week.Usually I don't
think about this, because if you love what you do, it really
isn't work.

One thing I can tell you is that I don't spend all my time
on the phone making calls. I don't start my day at the
crack of dawn either. The are some sales organizations
that force their people to start making calls at 7 AM, take
lunch at 12:15, and call it a day at 6 PM.

You can make some money that way, but that style
doesn't suit me very well. Sometimes, when things
aren't going my way, I don't work harder, I take a day
off. That would send a lot of sales managers blood
pressure through the roof, but it works for me.

For optimum selling, you need to be relaxed, and confident.
Sometimes you can get too keyed up, and you may think
you're doing a bang up job, but the reality is that you aren't.
Your tension shows through to the customer, and they pick
up on it.

Nobody wants to buy from "Nervous Pervis."

There really isn't a concrete answer to the question.

Nells, a friend of mine from way back, used to go over his
weekly quota on Wednesday. He played golf Thursday and
Friday, and this used to drive his sales manager crazy. He
would raise his quota, and Nells would still be ahead of the
game by close of business on Wednesday.

Golf was part of his selling strategy. He made most of his
deals Thursday and Friday, and filled out paperwork Monday,
Tuesday, and Wednesday.

The sales manager fired Nells. Nells went to work for a
competitor, and took 90% of his business with him. And
then he landed a couple of whales. And you could find him
on the golf course every Thursday and Friday.

Another friend of mine named Ted started work at 530 AM.
He finished at 230 PM. No ifs, ands, or buts, he was locked
down at 230. And get this this, 80% of his business was
done before 10 AM.

It's not how many hours you log. It's how efficient you are
with the time you are doing actual selling. Don't waste an
hour when you can finish in 15 minutes. And don't waste 15
minutes when 2 minutes will do the trick.

The bottom line is dollars, not hours.

I once dropped my largst account after I analyzed it. The
profit margin did not justify the service time it required. Sales
volume is not an indicator of good sales. Large, marginally
profitable deals are often not worth the time and effort required
to see them through.

Once when I was pretty green I made a very large sale. I told
an older salesman about it at lunch. He asked me a question,
"How much did YOU make on the deal?"

Think about that, and you have the answer to the first question.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

P.S. Optimism continues to run high here at:
thejoanrandallagency.com.

Our clients continue to get more exposure, and make more
money than their competitors. Call 206 407 3124 to find out why.